I’m going to turn forty-five in a few weeks. To some of you that might seem ancient, and to others it is still “young”. Honestly, I’m not sure
how I feel about it. My husband (who will turn forty-nine this summer) and I were talking about age the other night. I, being the somewhat occasionally morbid person that I am said, “I’m probably more than half way through my life”, to which he replied, “me, too”. Then we were quiet for a few moments, mulling that over, I suppose. Then I said, “When did this happen? I don’t feel like I should be forty-five, on the inside I feel much younger.” He laughed at me. Okay, maybe not AT me….maybe WITH me….but, the truth is, I wasn’t really laughing. I was being serious, well sort of with a smirk. Where in the world did the time go? That became a very real question to me.
I graduated high school in 1986 and college in 1990. The times at school seem almost surreal to me, like it might as well have been a million years ago. So much has happened since then. So much has changed me, so much has aged me. My marriage to my first husband ended when he died in the Fall of 2000. Our wedding, buying our first house, giving birth to our son, those things all wrapped in a time capsule mist. Now, I’m remarried, that first house was sold years ago, and my baby boy will be turning eighteen, only two days after my birthday. Time does not trickle, it gushes. It plunges me under like a roaring white water rapid. I’m left gasping.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy. I’m not miserable, sitting around waiting to die. Nothing like that at all. There is so much good in my life, I have been blessed in so many ways, it would be impossible for me to count them all. I’m living a life that I would never have dreamed of even a decade ago, much less when I was in college, young and single. My Eucharisteo (Give Thanks) board is full, and I am fully aware. Aware of all that is a gift. Life itself is a gift, you know. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by it, both the good and the not so good. I came to the realization a long time ago that my God has a sense of humor, and He enjoys keeping this life of mine, interesting. He told me that He has plans for me, and a great future, and I believe Him. (For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)
Forty-five. I’m a bit more “fluffy” than I was in my twenties. (Doesn’t that word sound so much better than chubby?) My hair shows a few strands of gray now (that is when I’m desperate to get my roots taken care of). I have a few (yes, only a very few!) wrinkles around my eyes. I have children that I am proud of, a husband that is truly my best friend, a family that loves me, and I have fulfilling work as a special education teacher. I live in the country, surrounded by God’s handiwork, and get to take care of animals that I love and enjoy.
Yes, that river of time is still breaking hard all around me. There are days when I wish I could just stop and get out, sit on the bank for awhile. Slow down. Capture the moments….because I realize that I will never be this way again. There is no going back, only forward. The current takes me there, to the future in the days ahead. I’m not sure what will be there, or what is around the bend. I guess I’ll just have to ride the waters of time, and wait and see. After all, life is interesting that way…even if one is getting ready to turn forty-five.
- Forty Things I Didn’t Know Five Years Ago (autisticson.wordpress.com)
- Riding this Bike of Life In Christ (mckraegame.com)
- Items of 100-year-old time capsule revealed (kfor.com)
- Life Begins At Forty (fortysomethingworld.wordpress.com)
- Forty and Fearless (titanimom.wordpress.com)
- Being Over Forty (expertscolumn.com)
- Waiting on God…How long? (staceymp328.wordpress.com)
- Laugh at yourself, nobody else can appreciate you more than you! (princeowen24.wordpress.com)