the eyes have it

My eyes are dry today. They tend to get dry anyway, but they are really dry today. You know your eyes are dry when you can hear yourself blink. I was laying in bed this morning, in the dark. The house was quiet except for a small sound…the sound of my blinking eyes. Is that sad or what? I need to go put some drops in. That will make them feel more normal and less like sandpaper rubbing against the inside of my lids. I’m gross, aren’t I? Sorry. Isn’t it just the way we all are—we don’t really think about stuff until it starts to bother us. My eyes and I have quite a history together. They’ve been with me for nearly 40 years. For the most part I like my gray eyes. Not really blue, not really green, just a gray sort of color, but I like them. Things started going awry when I was in first grade. My vision was not what it should be….I had to go look at 3D books at the eye drs. office along with an exam. He informed me, well really my mom, that I needed glasses. Oh, great. So my vision got worse over the years until I wasn’t just wearing glasses for reading but for pretty much all my waking hours. It didn’t really bother me all that much. It was what it was. (though I must say, in the 70’s and early 80’s glasses were huge! The frames I had took up half my face.) After my junior year of highschool I decided I wanted contacts. Touching my eyeball kind of grossed me out, but I figured I could do it without causing myself too much pain. Well, things worked out pretty well for me until I turned 30. Then I got dry eyes. This is not a good thing when one wears contacts. My eyes were dry and the contacts irritated them even more. I spent several months with red eyes…. looking like I was either constantly on a crying jag or that I’d just come off of a major drinking binge. This was NOT a good look for me so I went back to wearing glasses. Now, I was more comfortable in the eye department, but I wished I didn’t have to wear glasses. They were a pain in the neck. Smudges on the glass drove me nuts, going from cold outside to warm inside temps caused them to fog up. They were constantly sliding down my nose. Ugh. So I made the decision that I was going to get LASIK surgery. That was a huge step for me. The surgeon was going to laser my cornea. Now that gave me pause….. I went to the office for an entire day of tests. (looking at psychedelic slides that appeared to be from a bad 70’s art show, a machine that gave a computerized read out of the topography of my eye—I did not know our eyes really aren’t smooth?!) The day of the surgery the surgeon told me that the laser machine would do all the work. I would lose my vision and everything would go gray for just a few seconds while my cornea was being flapped over. Now if that doesn’t make your heart beat faster I don’t know what will. Still I trusted this man with my vision. It didn’t hurt at all and was over quickly. ( I mean this is one surgery that I couldn’t be knocked out for–AND I had to have my eyes open! So, I saw what was coming at me!) I could immediately see! No blurriness!! I remember getting up and saying to him that this is the closest thing to a modern day miracle. I had to wear big plastic shields on my eyes at night so I didn’t rub my eyes while I was sleeping. I resembled the lead character in that 60’s movie, The Fly. I actually frightened my 4 year old niece with that look!

I’ve been really happy with my 20/20 vision for the past 3 and a half years. It was well worth it……but I still need to go get those eye drops!!

Politics Really Is A Dirty Job

Now McCain supposedly had an affair with some woman. Both he and the woman deny it. He had to have a press conference to defend himself. Who really knows. Hillary is not doing well at the polls so she is going after Obama with a vengeance. She has enough problems of her own to worry about—after all she is lugging her husband around with her. Obama claims he wants change. But what does that mean? Change what? How? When? He obviously is a wonderful orator but when the rubber meets the road–words aren’t going to win over action. Obama’s wife saying she just NOW is proud of her country??? What is that all about? Give me a break. All of them are digging for dirt on each other. I don’t know about you but doesn’t it all just seem sickening after awhile? Integrity and taking the high road do not seem to be on anyones agenda right now.

Feeling Yucky Today

I’ve got a head cold and just feel yucky today. I think I will just spend today resting (as much as a home schooling mom can rest) and try to get better. I have my glass of water and tissues next to my bed. I have my laptop computer so I can still blog:)

Just on a side note—I heard something yesterday on TV about people and their phobias (did I spell that correctly?). Clowns were brought up. There are A LOT of people that dislike and are even scared of clowns. I am one of those people. Well, I wouldn’t say I’m scared of them, I just dislike them. I always have. I think they are creepy. There is something about not being able to see their real face under all that makeup. The clowns that don’t talk are even worse. I never liked Ronald McDonald or Bozo. Clowns at the circus, no thank you. Mimes, forget it. The only clowns that I really like are rodeo clowns. I think that is because they are not in full clown attire like most clowns. They look more real…..and they are able to run really fast. I guess I would too if I had a mad bull chasing me!

I also have a thing about spiders. I guess those of you that have been reading my blog for awhile already knew that. I discussed this phobia during the summer when I was in Texas. Home of the garage filled with scary Black Widow spiders. It still gives me the creepy crawlies to think about it. Ick. If spiders stay away from me, and my house, and all my property, oh yeah and my car…..then I will stay away from them. Afterall, I can kill bugs on my own. Who needs them?

Turning Into a Prune

I’ve noticed the only time I can “get away” is by taking a shower. You heard me. It is just quiet and peaceful while I am in the shower. I don’t care if WWIII is going on out in my living room as long as it doesn’t bring itself to the threshold of the bathroom. If I close my eyes and concentrate really hard I can see myself standing under a light waterfall in Hawaii. While I wash my hair I smell the scent of tropical fruit….. I’m happy, life is good…. BANG! BANG! BANG! on the bathroom door. My eyes fly open (ouch! shampoo is not good for washing eyes-it burns) and I’m snapped back into reality. “What is it?” “I’ve gotta question.” “Can it please wait another 10 minutes?” “No, it’s important.” “Are you dying? Are there broken bones? Is someone coughing up blood? No? Then it can wait for a few minutes.” “Mom, you’re gross.” “Now let me get back to my Hawaiian vacation.” “Huh? Hawaiian what?” Lalalalala…..I can’t hear you.

It’s The Middle That Counts

I’m going out to lunch today with one of my very dearest friends. We’ve been friends since we were college freshmen in 1986. Man, 1986 was a good year. I was 18 and thought I knew everything. Life was good. If I only knew then what I know now…… how life is unpredictable, things happen, nothing is really under one’s control, and sometimes you just have to muddle through until you figure it out. I guess I’m glad that I didn’t know that back then. It would have scared me. I needed some time. I’m glad I’ve had the experiences I’ve had over the years, actually. (though at the time certain things happened I probably didn’t feel that way!) Now, coming up on my 4oth birthday I feel like a much wiser and far more mature woman then I was back in ’86. I’ve learned a lot about determination, patience, fear, overcoming obstacles , joys and sorrows. I like to think I’m much more insightful than I used to be.

I wonder what I’ll think 20 years from now? When I’m getting ready to turn 60. I hope I can look back and say that I’ve grown even more. That I didn’t stop learning and that I’m wiser than I was at 40. Life is interesting that way. Things happen, and at the time the event(s) is going on we wonder how in the world we are going to fix it, survive it , cry or laugh about it, or forget about this particular thing. But we do and we are better for it. Sometimes growing can be painful……but it is usually worth it in the long run.

One of my favorite movie quotes is this……”Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts the most. You need to remember that when you find yourself at the beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up… and it will too.”

School Shootings

For crying out loud! What is going on? I just don’t get it. This latest school shooting in Illinois is so unbelievably sad. It’s like Va. Tech all over again. Why? Why? I don’t understand how a person could just get up and decide that today is the day he is going to massacre people. Innocent students sitting in a geology class are gone because of some crazy, deluded young man.

This past week in a high school in Memphis, Tennessee two boys got into a verbal argument in the cafeteria. One boy pulled out a gun and shot and killed the other boy. The school went into lock down. This is a school that has metal detectors and security guards. Still a child is dead.

What is the answer for this? I don’t know. Does anyone know? School shootings are more and more frequent. Throughout the past decade it seems like each year has a sad story to tell about students turning on their fellow classmates. I do not remember this kind of thing happening when I went to elementary school in the 70’s or middle, high school, and college throughout the 80’s. What has changed? Are kids so disassociated from each other that they don’t care how they affect others? Do they think life has no value? That it means nothing to shoot someone–to take someones life? Have they become callous to people–and think no one understands them? Honestly, I just don’t understand.

Quoting A Little Erma

Wasn’t it Erma Bombeck who said, ” if life is a bowl of cherries why am I in the pits?” It’s one of those kind of days. I hate these kind of days. The alarm clock goes off—-right as I’m getting to a good part in my dream. Arrgghh! I roll out of bed and get my foot caught in the comforter. Ker plunk! I stumble to the bathroom only to notice that the toilet paper roll is out and so I have to dig under the vanity to get a new one. I put my makeup on and inadvertently smudge my eyeliner…so now I look like part woman, part raccoon. I make it out to the kitchen in one piece…barely. I wanted a hard boiled egg for breakfast. It was one of THOSE eggs. You know the kind that you try to peel and no matter how hard you try the shell won’t smoothly come off. By the time I’m done getting the shell off the egg I have not much more left then the yolk. UGH.

Hey, I should be thankful. I am alive and breathing. That’s always a good thing. I do have a lot going for me……even if today is the pits.