Okay, so maybe she is not really a Nazi…actually she looks and speaks more like a Russian than a German….but I truly believe in a former life she could have been in the Gestapo. She is tall and slender (but appears STRONG) and wears her black hair pulled back in a severe bun. She does not smile…ever….and she walks around the checkout with her hands pulled tightly behind her back. She scares me. No, I mean it. She really does. So much for my local Wal-mart being a “friendly” place to shop. So much for the yellow “price cutting” smiley faces they have stuck on everything. Forget that. I don’t know where Wal-mart found this lady, but she makes everybody quake in their boots as they approach checkout. I’ve had two run-ins with her and lived to tell the story. I’m going to tell you the story… just in case. Just in case one day I have to run an errand to Wal-mart and never come back home. You’ll know why. You’ll know the real reason–that the Wal-mart Nazi got me.
The first encounter happened about a month ago. I was going through the line. A sweet little old Korean woman and her daughter were in front of me. The lady did not speak English very well. Not much at all, really. Well, she had a few things and I had a few things and we both put our stuff on the conveyor belt. Now as Scary Nazi woman was ringing up Korean lady’s stuff I was perusing the entertainment magazines for a little excitement. (How else am I to keep up with all the illicit goings on of the rich and famous?) Next thing I know Korean woman is excitedly saying, “No, no, no not mine! not mine!” As I glance over I get THE LOOK that made my heart freeze in my chest. “ARE THESE YOUR THINGS? WHY DID YOU NOT PUT UP THE STICK THAT DIVIDES PURCHASES? THAT IS WHAT IT IS THERE FOR!!!” I apologized for not putting up the stick and having to have her put my stuff back and re-ring up the Korean lady. Then she turns on the Korean lady and blast her for having some sort of tax exempt paper with her. I was angry with how she was treating us….I wanted to say something….but was paralyzed with fear, much like the fly trapped in the spiders web. As I looked at Nazi woman I swear I saw red flicker in her eyes. After getting my Wal-mart purchases I beat a hasty retreat to my car and sped out of the parking lot like a Nascar driver during Speed Week.
Well, as we all know, one can’t stay away from Wal-mart for too long. I don’t even think it is humanly possible. Anyway, this time I was at Wal-mart with Kendrick and Breanna. They were witnesses. They know the truth. They saw Evil with their own eyes. They know she lives and works at Wal-mart. This was supposed to be a quick jaunt to the store to get water. We were out and I was picking up a few gallons. This time I went through self checkout. Quick, easy, no problem, right? Wrong! First of all the young lady in front of me made the mistake of scanning a pair of pants on clearance that brought the ire of the Nazi down on her like a bad thunderstorm. I don’t think the poor lady knew what hit her. She was almost ready to put the pants back, so as not to cause any further problem….but I guess she really liked the pants, so she decided to stick it out. After the whole episode she left quickly. Now it was my turn.I scan my water jugs. I pay with cash. I put my ten dollar bill in the slot. I’m supposed to get back $6.47 and I get back $6.05. As I’m considering my predicament, SHE appears again out of nowhere, behind me this time. I’ve been blind sided. “WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM HERE?” uh…..the machine did not give me the right change….at this point she grabs my receipt and looks it over. Sure enough she sees I am right. She grabs the change machine (and this is no lie I promise) and shakes it so hard that it actually rocked. (and it is bolted to the floor!) At first the change machine spit out another couple of dimes–but not enough. She looked disgusted and shook it again. This time the machine thought better and gave up all the change. I took my change and grabbed Breanna, who was trembling next to me, and Kendrick, who was cowering behind the counter, and took off. Another escape.
I told my husband about this woman at Wal-mart. I don’t know if he actually believes me. Maybe he thinks I’m exaggerating. Hmmppfff!!! We’ll see how brave he is when he meets her face to face.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!! That had me laughing so hard that I have tears in my eyes!!