One Hot Mama

 

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Here I sit, on a hot and humid mid-July morning in rural Ohio. It is already hot as hades, and amazon jungle humid….and our air conditioner is on the fritz.  I am just not made for this weather. I think I must have Scandinavian blood in me. You know, the countries of the north, where it is cooler, and there are snow capped mountains even in the summer, and humidity isn’t as much of a thing.  Yes, I know I lived in east Tennessee for twenty-three years. I understand hot, muggy, summers in the south, but this chick does not “glisten”. I sweat like a horse. There, I said it. I know that is gross, but there is no getting around it. My hair is plastered to my head, I have a very attractive sweat mustache, and if unable to find some cool air soon, will be found deader than a doornail lying in a puddle on the floor. Okay, fine. This might be a slight exaggeration, but……only slight. My dogs and cats tell me to get over myself, I cannot possibly even understand heat until I’m wearing a full fur coat with temps in the 90’s. Yes, for those of you who care to know, I speak fluent canine and feline. What??!! Stop looking , staring, reading (?) at me like that. My husband calls me Dr. Doolittle for a reason. Kidding, people. Really. I am. I am not clinically insane. Yet.

I have an autoimmune disease, that I was diagnosed with when I was just fourteen. This particular “gift” makes me extremely heat sensitive. I told my husband the other day, “When it is cold you can put on socks and crank up the electric blanket to stay warm. In the summer months, when I am caught in the seventh circle of Hell, I am unable to escape”. I suppose I could strap a box fan to me, and just wear it around my neck as an, albeit unusual, fashion statement. I can only strip off so many clothes to cool off, before being arrested. Just sayin’.

I have summer loving friends, who thrive in the heat. I still love them, even though in my mind I’m thinking, “freak of nature” how lucky they are to be able to enjoy the summer months. Fine. Just fine. You enjoy the months of sweat, and frizzy hair (or stick straight hair, however it is you roll), and sunburn, and having to shave your legs because you want to wear shorts. And don’t even get me started on going bathing suit shopping. I don’t care if a woman is skinny as a rail or resembles Jabba the Hutt, or anywhere in between. After a certain age, bathing suits are not a girls best friend. The struggle is real. Sisters, can I get an amen?

So, as I sit here sipping my iced coffee, in front of a box fan going full blast, just know that I am dreaming of October. My month of bliss. Crisp, cool temps. Sweater weather. Hot chocolate. And pumpkin everything. I just have to hang on for what seems an eternity another two and a half months. Lord, help me.

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9 thoughts on “One Hot Mama

  1. What you need is a pool. or a bucket of water to put your feet in. Since you are an Ohio-ian. I am thinking that Ohio will be my next move. Do you have any suggestions for a person who wants to rural but close to the Canadian border?

    • Star of Grace,
      Yes, I agree, water might help my dire situation. I found taking a hand towel, wetting it, and sticking it in the freezer, then wrapping it around my neck helps. If the back of my neck is cool, the rest of me feels better.
      As far as where to live in Ohio……. The northern part of the state borders, Michigan, and Lake Erie. Most of the northern counties border the lake, and right across the lake is Canada! To the far west of those counties is Toledo, and farther east, you get Cleveland. If you want to stay in a rural area, don’t live near either one of those cities. There are plenty of other northern counties with rural areas to choose from. I will say this, if you live near the lake, your winters will bring a lot more lake effect snow. Just sayin’. If you are okay with that, than go for it! I was born and raised in rural Maryland, lived decades in east Tennessee, and am now in rural west central, Ohio. I love it. 🙂

  2. I can sympathize to a degree. It’s not much better here in North Georgia. It’s 87 here today but the weather guy says it feels like 100. I agree. The humidity is low and dry today–55%. I’ve seen it hit 100% humidity and not be raining. Sometimes October down here is no better. I’ve seen it sweltering here in October when we’re supposed to be having a cool, crisp, apple cider days. I still miss the Midwest and my unpredictable Iowa weather. And I’d still rather be sweltering with you in Ohio, sans AC, than living down here. Stay cool and pretend it’s October. God bless, my friend.

    • Steve,
      I’ve been to north Georgia many times…..and I feel your pain. 100% humidity. Ugh. I totally get why Atlanta is called “Hot-lanta”……and it is not because Atlanta is like the NYC of the south. It is because it is stinkin’ sweltering!!!!! hahaha. 🙂

      • If you ever come back this way again, please let me know and we can all meet for lunch or dinner or something.

  3. Pingback: One Hot Mama — It Just Dawned On Me – Welcome to the World of Ekasringa Avatar!

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