I was wiping down the kitchen counters yesterday morning, like I’ve done every other morning of my life. Nothing different. Nothing spectacular.
I felt my back catch. In a short time I was almost completely incapacitated. I fell to my knees. My husband helped me to the bed…and that is where I laid, flat on my back for the rest of the day. It was excruciating to even roll over. I could not get comfortable. I needed assistance to even get to the bathroom. How humiliating. I cried. I was frustrated. I hurt.
It is amazing how very boring it is to just have to lay down. Most times I love to lay down, taking a nap is a wonderful thing….until I’m forced to do it. My sweet husband called chiropractors…and wouldn’t you know….no one answered. We left messages. No response. So, I dealt with the pain.
I’m not very good with allowing others to help me.
While laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, I had the thought about my plight being temporary. For whatever reason, my back gave out, but it wouldn’t be forever……I would get through this.
Pain has a way of making us, or at least me, see more clearly. In the dark of last night I prayed. “God, I hurt so bad. I can’t get comfortable, no matter how I turn. I’m so tired….please give me rest.”
My mind wandered to all those people that live in this kind of pain on a daily basis. Would I handle it with grace? Or frustration? Would I scream at God to stop my hurting? Or would I allow Him to work everything out for His glory? I like to think that it would be the latter…..but…. The pain perspective is difficult to learn…much less to live with. Would I trust Him IN the pain? Would I continue to love Him DESPITE the pain? Would the pain be a catalyst to draw me closer to Him? Or a wedge to keep us apart?
My back is still hurting today….still severe, but not as much as yesterday.
I will get better.
The questions of yesterday linger…
My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest. (Exodus 33:14)