I Know You Will Relate

Sometimes, I crack myself up. I laugh so hard that I sometimes snort. That is just how I roll.

In honor of the holidays quickly approaching, and  Black Friday and Christmas shopping underway, I’ve decided to repost one of my more funny blog entries about Wal-Mart’s parking lot. IMG_0341

We’ve all been there. I know you will relate.

Most people keep their less than flattering moments to themselves. Not me. I’ll share my moments….

Just to make you smile.

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Another Incident At Walmart

I’m telling you what! Every time I go to Walmart something happens to me. I must have a big bulls eye painted on my forehead. I got what I needed at the store. I walked carefully towards my car. I managed to avoid all crazy holiday drivers. I got to my Camry and an SUV the size of Texas is parked next to me. He left me about 1 1/2 inches to open my drivers side door and exhale any bit of air I had in my lungs in order to squeeze in. You know the type…the guy that parks NOT in the middle of the parking spot, but right on the yellow line that divides the space. I guess when you have an SUV that size you take up A LOT of space. UGH!! Now, you might be saying why didn’t you go around to the other side of the car and climb in? People. People. People. I don’t relish the thought of squeezing in on that side either. Then I’d have to open the passenger door and climb over the seat–making sure not to get mud all over it, since it had rained all night and all day, straddling the gear shift and pitching forward, cracking my head on the rear view mirror and landing on the car horn on the steering wheel……
Not that I’ve ever done that, you understand, it’s totally hypothetical. Don’t laugh. I know you are.

 

So, on with my story…. After I finally got in my car and readjusted my ribcage I started to pull out very slowly. VERY slowly because I couldn’t see around the huge honkin’ SUV to my left. I creep out. I finally get half way into the aisle before I can see and there are no cars coming so I finish pulling out. As I come up the aisle I STOP. There in front of me wanting to make a turn in MY direction is a HUGE red fire truck. In the Walmart parking lot. So, I can’t go forward and the driver of that big red truck for sure can’t turn around so I start backing up….and backing up…..and backing up. The pickup truck that was directly behind me in the aisle wasn’t going to back up at first. HELLO. Do you see the big red truck???? Move it Buster or he’s running us over. Well, we both did get backed up and the friendly, young fireman driving the truck waved at me. He probably hates the Walmart parking lot as much as I do.

The Journal

The journal is setting on the kitchen counter.

It is a simple, blue spiral notebook…the kind one sees at back to school sales at Wal-mart.

Iced tea poured

Iced tea poured (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In itself, is nothing special, and  yet, it full of the most special.

Each word and phrase penned from a thankful heart.

Every word a reminder, of gifts so freely given to me.

Simple things, ordinary things, daily things…

How often, before the journal, did I gloss over the everyday moments,

not really see them for what they are?

God is so good…and I am so loved.

He shows me this a million times over.

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As I look back through the pages, over the past 2 years, of this notebook, I see….

Today I am thankful for all the moments in my journal:

* warm blankets

* quiet evenings

* feeling better

* coffee pot ready for tomorrow morning

* a husband’s silly story

* a son’s hug

* anticipating a storm

* having chores completed

* soft breath

* fresh, clean, white towels

* windy, hair blowing days

* laughter of children

* jingle of dogs tags

* safety in travel

* ice tea sweetness

* library book

* foggy sunshine

* glorious sunrises

* yellow bird at the bird feeder

* my son is home!

* pretty floral prints

* holding hands

* moon bathed nights

* crisp, cool sheets

* walks with hubby

* bare feet

* a snow globe world

* friends

* scented candles

* well worn Bible

* real peace

* a “free day” from work

* study with friends

* family visits

* mud puddles

* horse back rides

* giggles

* kisses

* sock sliding

* scary movies

* touching lives

* school work done

* a new grad level class

* encouraging words

* God who is the Giver of all good gifts






Is That A Gray Hair?!

leg warmers photo from flickr by iluvrhinestones

Does anyone else wonder where the time went? I always heard that time seems to go faster, the older one gets. That is the honest truth.  Some days I feel older than others. Yep. I wake up and stumble to the bathroom mirror and think, “Wow. When did this happen?”

My daughter enjoys that I can get all the 80’s references in the show that we watch together. The best music is still from the 80’s or earlier, in my humble opinion. I miss leg warmers and Jordache jeans. (although I saw a commercial yesterday for Walmart that Jordache jeans are making a comeback. I had a pair circa 1985.)

I was always the one that said I would age gracefully, ala Katherine Hepburn style. Lately, I’ve just felt the burn…without the Hep. Sigh. I know. I know. I have several readers that are older (read that as mature)….and would love to be 44 again. Okay, so that might be true, but I’m still seeing gray hairs and feeling achy joints. I’m sojourning on, but aging can be the pits. Just sayin’.

On the positive side, as I’ve aged I think I have a better perspective about things. I at least try. Experience brings

wisdom…well, at least with most things. The important stuff, truly is the important stuff, and I realize it. I’m trying to slow down. I want to enjoy the moments that God has blessed me with.

Life.

I’m always learning, and taking it one day at a time.

(P.S) I secretly wish I could still fit into my Jordache jeans from 1985. A girl can dream.

Shoppers Beware

Does it mean a person is mentally unbalanced if they laugh at themselves, or at their own jokes? Um…..because, I admit…..sometimes I crack myself up. Doesn’t it feel good to laugh? Really laughing…like when you get tears in the corners of your eyes or you laugh so hard you snort. Not that I do that. That would be uncouth and not very lady like. So of course, I was talking about someone else. I was!  Work with me people, after all I am the one telling the story here.

English: A pair of high heeled shoe with 12cm ...

My daughter and I had to run to Tractor Supply and Walmart today, two of our most common places to shop. That says a lot about us, doesn’t it? Living out in the sticks, I rarely get to see the Mall or “chain” stores anymore. I cry a little inside when I get fliers in the mail from Target and realize I have absolutely no clue as to where the nearest Target even is, much less how to get there. I’ve been having cravings for a Chili’s restaurant lately, and once again….not a Chili’s to be found. Sigh. Alas, I have digressed from my original story. I apologize. My husband tells me that I tend to do that. A lot. What can I say? I like to give details when speaking….or writing….or speaking while writing. Anyway……….

After getting back from this latest shopping adventure, I feel like our country is in crisis. I’m not talking politics, because that is an whole different story and I’m not going down that road today. I’m talking fashion sense. Or is it common sense? Now, I know that there are videos out there on the internet entitled “People of Walmart“. Those videos scare me to be honest. This week I witnessed a shopping scene that, well, it was just wrong…on so many levels. People. People. People. Get some clothes on. Really. Please.

I will be the first to tell you. I like to dress for comfort. Jeans, a tee shirt, a pair of flip flops….my usual summer attire. If you saw me at Walmart, you probably wouldn’t really notice me because for the most part I look fairly normal. ( I realize that is a subjective statement, but for the sake of my story let’s go with it.)

What (Not) To Wear When Going To Walmart

1. Wear comfortable clothes. Do not wear vampy, black  boots with six inch stiletto heels while shopping for produce. If you back up into me and step on me, I might end up with a deep puncture wound on my flip flop covered foot. I could possibly need emergency treatment. Plus, the boots do not work with the sweat pants you are also wearing.

2. Gray haired grandmothers with their young grandchildren in the cart, should not be wearing halter tops. I don’t care how young you feel inside, time has already caught up with your outside….and it is no longer feasible for you to wear a halter. Unless you are Raquel Welch, keep everything covered. I think this rule is in the grandmother’s handbook. Check it out.

3. Young men, do not wear your pajama bottoms to the store. I know that this particular piece of wardrobe seems to have become “appropriate” shopping apparel. Believe me when I say, it is not. You do not look as hot as you think you do….and I am not interested in seeing your backside hanging out. Have some dignity. It cannot take that much effort to pull on a pair of jeans if you are going to be seen in public.

4. Men, while I am on the subject. Open tank tops are a no-no. You know the kind I mean. The ones with the big armholes that allow one to see everything the man’s got. The tank looks more like a cotton drape then a real shirt. This is an especially important piece of advice if you are standing next to a person trying to shop for some meat.  As you lean over to check out what to put on the grill for dinner, you are exposing your hairy (and probably sweaty) armpit to the person (namely,me!) standing next to you. Now, I know men have armpits…and I know they are hairy….but, I don’t want to look at it while I’m checking out a package of  hamburger. It’s making you feel kind of gross while you’re reading this, isn’t it?  Now you can feel my pain.

5. Please do not wear your bathing suit into the store. They make coverups for this sort of thing. I understand that you are heading to the lake, and you need some chips and soda before you head out. I get it. Do us all a favor and pull on a tee shirt and a pair of shorts….and make sure the shorts are more than a denim pair of underwear. Walmart shoppers can only take so much sexiness at one time.

If you ever find yourself in one of the Walmart “no-no’s” make sure you are also wearing a ball cap and a pair of dark sunglasses, so you can’t be recognized…..because people are watching.

Happy Birthday To Me

日本語: 黒ゴマソフトクリーム。秋田県角館市にて。 English: Black sesam...

Today is my birthday.  I was born in 1968.

1968. What?!  How can that be? That was such a long time ago…..

In honor of my special day, I thought I’d write a list. (Doesn’t everyone do that, on their special day?)

Forty-four things I’ve learned about life and myself:

1. Days can seem long, but life is short.

2. Time doesn’t stop…it doesn’t even slow down.

3. Relationships are what is important. We are each made for relationship.

4. God is sovereign. He is in control. Always. Nothing surprises Him.

5. I don’t need to have all the answers.

6. Messy won’t kill you…it might aggravate, irritate and you might need to fumigate…but, it won’t kill you.

7. I’m glad I’ve journaled over the years.

8. It’s fun having friendships that have lasted the years.

9. I don’t need negative people in my life. Hurt people, hurt other people. I don’t need that.

10. Every person can reach their full potential.

11. Some of the happiest people I know, don’t know that they have “special needs“…they just enjoy life…and that makes me enjoy life.

12. Children are a gift from God Himself.

13. Being a mother is the closest I will ever come to understanding unconditional love.

14. Birthdays are fun. I like them. I feel special….and I get to eat ice cream.

15. I love ice cream. I refuse to feel guilty about it. Ice cream is good.

16. Dogs are the best pets ever. Loyal, furry friends.

17. I have learned to like cats. Even if I clean up puke nearly every other day. Darn them, for looking all fluffy and cute!

18. Chickens make me happy. Even if they try to peck at me.

19. Sheep freak me out. They look like aliens.  I try not to hurt their feelings…they can’t help it that they look like aliens.

20. Llamas are my favorite “new” animal. I’d like some one day. Just to watch.It lowers my blood pressure to watch them graze.

21. The city life is great for convenience, but I truly love the peacefulness of living in the country. Open spaces and quiet places…..

22. I haven’t been to a high school reunion yet. I wish I could. I think it would be interesting.

23. People watching is an art form, especially during trips to Walmart.

24. Sleep is important, and cannot be overrated. The body needs it and it helps me to not be cranky and want to gag and tie up my family members.

25. I enjoy watching ID TV. I wonder about myself sometimes…..that I should enjoy shows where people are serial killers, identity thieves, housewives that have snapped, or jilted lovers gone wrong…terribly wrong.  When our dogs dragged home some bones last year, I knew they could not be part of a deer carcass….they were probably the remnants of some poor soul that had been dumped on our road. This was completely fabricated on my part, but see how my mind works?  I’m weird, I know.

26. I like to walk. Walking is therapeutic.

27. The scales at the doctor’s office are always wrong, and we all know it.

28. I am a bad gift wrapper, but I don’t care. It’s a gift that someone is getting…should they really care if it is duct taped together?

29. I love to read….but, never feel like I have enough time to sit down and read. When I have enough time to sit down and read, by eyesight will probably have gone by then. How unfair.

30. I could eat Mexican food every day. Hot stuff is good for you. Seriously. Of course, not if flames are shooting out your ears…….

31. Never stop learning. It makes you interesting and entertaining.

32. Remember the good things.

33. Know that bad times will pass. They always do. It won’t be that way forever.

34. A truly strong person is one who can be gentle.

35. Laugh. Laugh a lot. Laugh at yourself.

36. Try to stay organized. It helps life to run a little more smoothly. Do the best you can.

37. I’m not in control of life….even though I’d like to think I am.

38. Tell people that you love, that you love them. Say it over and over again. You need to say it. They need to hear it.

39. Slow down. What is the rush, really? What are you rushing to?  Or from?  There are 24 hrs. in the day for each of us.

40. With age comes wisdom.

41. Beauty is fleeting, but a winning smile and sparkling personality go a long way to making anyone look good, no matter the age.

42. Music speaks to the soul.

43. Flip flops and worn T-shirts are the best summer gear.

44. God is good. All the time.

Okay, People. This Is It!

mousetrap

Image via Wikipedia

For the past week or so, on and off, I’ve been blogging about mice. The little field vermin have managed to find their way into my house. Notice I said MY house although they seem to think they have ownership too. My kids (and the cat) caught the one from last week and that is all wonderful and fine, but the furball had relatives…and they are many.

The other evening I was in the pantry looking for some ingredients, so I could whip together a dinner worthy of Taste of Home…..when I heard a scratch. A scratch nearby. I froze. Just then a teeny little head poked it’s way out of a Walmart bag, that I have a pile of, on the pantry floor. I don’t know who was more freaked out. Him or me?! After gaining my composure I stomped (so as to scare him away and not have him run up my pants legs or something) over to where I keep the glue traps.  I pulled one out and slapped it down on the floor. Some of you might think I’m cruel, but all is fair in love and war. This is war!

I’m still hearing scratching in the ceiling. I fear that I am going to have to suit up like a character from Ghost Busters, and trek up to the attic. It is unnerving to me….but a woman’s got to do what a woman’s got to do. The attic is shadowy and dark. The puny little light bulb we have up there is not enough. This will give the rodent army the advantage. I on the other hand, like to think that I am much smarter than they are. I can woo them with peanut butter and cheese. Think of it as their last meal because they are dead mice walking.

I assume that they will watch me from the shadows with their beady little eyes. I will tell them, “This house isn’t big enough for the 200 of us. ( I really have no idea the number of mice in the attic. It could be 3 or 3 million, who really knows? They all look the same.) It’s me against you varmints! I will throw down the gauntlet. They will squeak in fear. Or not.

The saga continues…

Today In Time

Inside the Walmart (still branded as Wal-Mart)...

Image via Wikipedia

~ Friday, January 14, 2011

Outside my window. . .it is snowing. It seems like just about every day since December 1st, it has been snowing. Global Warming, uh huh. Yeah.
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I am thinking. . .that I need to go to Walmart today. The family is in need of some groceries. I hate grocery shopping. It depresses me. Everything is so expensive. Plus, I’d like to be more creative with food selection, but Walmart is not really about creativity. Sigh.
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From the learning room. . .my kids are up and are not happy that they don’t have the day off (for teacher inservice) like the public schools. Such is the plight of the homeschooler.
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I am thankful for. . .a lot of things. Currently, a warm house and cozy jammies.
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From the kitchen. . .I smell the orange scented detergent in the dishwasher. I’m so thankful for whoever created the dishwasher. Really. Seriously. I could kiss him. (or her?)
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I am wearing. . .my Christmas pajamas. My mom bought them for me. They are the softest pj’s I own. Very nice.
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I am creating. . .a legacy. For better or for worse.
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I am going. . .to watch a movie tonight with the family. We don’t do this often enough.
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I am reading. . .an excellent book by Ken Ham. Basically, it’s about If God is Loving, why do people suffer? I know heavy stuff. That is just how I am. Not afraid to tackle the hard things in life.
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I am hoping. . .that our mini van doesn’t break down on our day trip tomorrow. It is held together with bubblegum and rubber bands. And prayer. Okay, so maybe the first two are a lie. The third is not.
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I am hearing. . .Fox and Friends on the morning news. I enjoy FOX. Yes, they are conservative. I am conservative, so it works.
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Around the house. . .the usual morning rituals are going on. Coffee brewing. Children crunching cereal. Dog and cats begging for some petting. Morning news on.
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One of my favorite things. . .quiet time to myself. Definitely. Silence doesn’t bother me.
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A few plans for the rest of the week. . .grocery shopping, movie night, pick up daughter from her visit with her cousins, church, trip to the vet, home school. That’s all I’ve got right now. That I know of….because it can always change….and usually does.
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Find out more about the Simple Woman’s Daybook at this site.

Wanting To Go Postal At Walmart

Pharmacy Rx symbol

Image via Wikipedia

I am now calm enough to blog about my Walmart fiasco. I nearly had a melt down.

1. I went in last Monday to drop off my son’s prescription. (La la la….a nice day:)

2. It is a common medicine.

3. I’ve done it a million times before.(at least it seems that way, because I’m the one who has to visit the pharmacy all the time)

4. I went in Tuesday morning to pick it up.( big smile. lovely day.)

5. Sorry, we’re out of the meds is what the pharmacy tech told me.

6. Why didn’t I get a call? This is a wasted trip. (still smiling. still calm.)

7. Sorry mam. Computers don’t make phone calls.(says the young chick at the counter who flipped her hair around while she spoke AT me)

8. PEOPLE DO! IT’S CALLED COURTESY, IF YOU ARE OUT OF MEDS. LUCKY FOR YOU NO ONE IS DYING. (was my kind reply)

9. The medicine will be in by 5pm TOMORROW.(she snarks at me)

10. Fine!

11. I couldn’t go on Wednesday evening.

12. So I went with my son Thursday morning. Before his class. (We left early)

13. I waited in the line at the pharmacy behind an elderly couple who had at least 10 meds between them.(bless their hearts)

14. I was trying to be patient, but I only had a few minutes until I had to have my son to his class.

15. Tick. Tock.

16. S-L-O-W

17. I am about to scream. (At least in my head)

18. I finally got to the cashier at the counter.

19. This was a different pharm. tech.

20. An older lady.

21. Sorry we are out of those meds.

22. WHAT???!!!!

23. After I um….show my irritation……the pharmacist overheard me.

24. Mam. I am so sorry. That first tech should not have told you that the meds would be in.

25. That does nothing for me now. We are totally out of meds. I’ve been here THREE times. Still nothing. I mean do I need to schedule an appointment to get the medication? I thought Walmart was all about customer service.

26. THAT is a huge let down. Ugh.

27. The pharmacist called Krogers (grocery) next door. They had the meds.

28. My son and I drove over to the next shopping center.

29. I went in. I dropped off the prescription. (which Wmart had given back)

30. Can’t have it ready until after 12.

31. AAAAGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

32. We drove clear across town to his school.

33. Dropped him off. (with no meds)

34. I drove clear BACK across town to pick up the meds.

35. I get the stinkin’ meds in my possession.

36. FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!

37. I haven’t been this frustrated or frazzled  in a long time.

38. My own blood pressure was probably sky high at this point. It’s a wonder I didn’t stroke out.

39. I can understand why some people go postal.

40. I have a headache just reliving this ordeal.

Thank you for listening to my vent. You may now go back to your regularly scheduled life.

6.

Survival Of The Fittest

Christmas shoppers in the Bullring

Image by markhillary via Flickr

I’m glad to be able to relate to all my blog readers that I am not dead. I did indeed survive Black Friday from 12 a.m to 7:45 a.m. It was quite a new experience for a newbie Black Friday (BF to those seasoned veterans) shopper like myself. I got good and caffeinated for the excursion ahead. I didn’t get sleepy…not even once. It was exhilarating! Walmart, Big Lots, Goody’s, and JcPenney. Me and the posse’ got some serious door buster sale items. The free stuff was fun too. We got a free ornament at JcPenney. Very cute. Walmart was handing out doughnuts, and five hour energy drinks around 3 in the morning. Cool. All this caffeine never killed anybody. Maybe a twitch or the shakes, but that eventually calmed down, not that that happened to me, you understand.

1. At my Walmart people were in cluster groups. Some things went on sale at midnight. Others not until 5am. People were in packs waiting for the goods. If I were a psychologist I could have done some serious research. It was kind of like reality TV up close and personal.

2. I wasn’t there to get anything in particular so I could stand back and watch without putting myself in harms way.

3. Most people I came in contact with were nice. Got into a nice conversation with a lady at bed linens.

4. Bought some nice Christmas gifts. For good deals I might add.

5. Nice Walmart ladies were roaming around the store at 3am, handing out the 5 hr. energy drinks that I mentioned earlier. Nothing like people being hyped up on caffeine AND in a shopping frenzy.

6. We were the first ones….sitting in the JCPenney parking lot at 3 in the morning. They opened at 4am. People began pulling into the parking lot and as it got closer to 4….we all huddled in the freezing cold wind, at the door. They don’t call it “door buster” sales for nothing. Just sayin’.

7. Back to Walmart to pick up the stuff that didn’t go on sale until 5. Snatched up a couple of deals. Good stuff.

8. Stopped by McDonald’s at a little after 5 for some nourishment. And coffee. Woo hoo! Had my second wind. Me and 3 trillion other people.

9. Back out to Big Lots for some Christmas lights and wrapping paper. It was very crowded, but people were nice. Two ladies were snatching up all the child chairs. You know the kind that mirror adult chairs, but are child size. I don’t know what one person wants with all those chairs….maybe she has a lot of little people at her house?

10. Finished up at Goody’s. Seriously, love this store. And it smelled really good in there…..not that smell had anything to do with the good deals. But, it certainly didn’t hurt. It made for pleasant shopping.

Had been awake for 27 hours straight. Came home, sat down in a chair, and promptly fell asleep.