Painful Perspective

Hospital

Image by morrissey via Flickr

I was wiping down the kitchen counters yesterday morning, like I’ve done every other morning of my life. Nothing different. Nothing spectacular.

I felt my back catch. In a short time I was almost completely incapacitated. I fell to my knees. My husband helped me to the bed…and that is where I laid, flat on my back for the rest of the day. It was excruciating to even roll over. I could not get comfortable. I needed assistance to even get to the bathroom. How humiliating. I cried. I was frustrated. I hurt.

It is amazing how very boring it is to just have to lay down. Most times I love to lay down, taking a nap is a wonderful thing….until I’m forced to do it. My sweet husband called chiropractors…and wouldn’t you know….no one answered. We left messages. No response. So, I dealt with the pain.

I’m not very good with allowing others to help me.

While laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, I had the thought about my plight being temporary. For whatever reason, my back gave out, but it wouldn’t be forever……I would get through this.

Pain has a way of making us, or at least me, see more clearly. In the dark of last night I prayed. “God, I hurt so bad. I can’t get comfortable, no matter how I turn. I’m so tired….please give me rest.”

My mind wandered to all those people that live in this kind of pain on a daily basis. Would I handle it with grace? Or frustration? Would I scream at God to stop my hurting? Or would I allow Him to work everything out for His glory? I like to think that it would be the latter…..but…. The pain perspective is difficult to learn…much less to live with. Would I trust Him IN the pain? Would I continue to love Him DESPITE the pain? Would the pain be a catalyst to draw me closer to Him? Or a wedge to keep us apart?

My back is still hurting today….still severe, but not as much as yesterday.

I will get better.

The questions of yesterday linger…

My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest. (Exodus 33:14)

You Just Don’t Know

a hospital room (Denmark, 2005)

Image via Wikipedia

I have several friends that have lived with or are living with devastating news. I was thinking about that yesterday… One just never knows what others are truly going through…. Job loss, financial devastation, medical diagnoses, depression, a bleak prognosis, family members who take their own lives, death, divorce, children who refuse to listen. There are so many people, going through so many things. One just doesn’t know.

 

Never assume that you know me

Because what I’m dealing with

is not what you see.

 

Many times because of pride,

I refuse to show

the hurt inside.

 

A diagnosis, illness, pain

cover me like

a gray, winter rain.

 

I go through each day

doing what I should

Not knowing what to say

Wishing I could.

 

I want to cry

I want to scream

I sort of try

to not act mean.

 

I need a hug

I need your smile

I need you to go

that extra mile.

 

When the prognosis, diagnosis…

Is too much for me to bear

I need your friendship

I need you to care.

 

Thank you for being my friend.

 

——-Dawn Gibson