Eat Your Nutritional Bits!

Shelves of dog food. Includes Beneful and Pedigree

Image via Wikipedia

Life has come to me arguing with the dog.He is not participating in the argument, so really it’s just me pretending to argue with the dog.

Okay, so maybe cajoling him.

Oh, alright! Begging him. This is so humiliating.

Tonight I was trying to get Lonnie, the wonder dog…all 19 pounds of him…to eat his nutritional bits.

I buy him the dog food that is supposed to be good for him. Healthy even.

The nutritional bits resemble little chocolate chip looking things. Yum.

Lonnie refuses his nutrition. Instead he roots through all the rest of the dog food, spewing bits as he goes. How in the world does an animal that has no fingers pick all those teeny, tiny bits out of the bowl? He must spit them out like watermelon seeds. I will have to make a point to observe this. I’ll have to be sneaky if I want to watch, Lonnie tends to be covert.

I called the little terrier to me when I saw the mess he made. I gave him the “stink eye”. He stared back. I proceeded to lecture him on his canine health. He licked me. I continued to inform him of his need for good teeth and a shiny coat. He actually yawned. At this point I placed my hand on my hip, got the mom stance and said (with a straight face) “Lonnie you are like a five year old who pushes his peas all around the plate. You need to eat your nutritional bits!”

I thought for sure that I had made my case.

Sigh.

On a good note, the cat seems to enjoy eating them off the floor.

I Am Smarter Than The Dog

Border Collie

Image via Wikipedia

1.The family has two dogs.

2. The dog in question is named Ace.

3. Ace is an American Working Farm Collie.

4. Also known as a pain in the neck.

5. We have a rountine.

6. I get up most mornings and walk at 6 a.m.

7. Ace sees me come out the door and barks his head off.

8. The ear splitting barking at 6 a.m. is such a joy to me.

9. No, really.

10. Okay, I’m lying.

11. I tell him to shut up and go lay down.

12. Sometimes he listens to me…sometimes not.

13. It depends on his mood.

14. Lately, the two of us have been in a battle.

15. He keeps stealing the cat food dishes off the deck.

16. He has food of his own. He is a pig.

17. He wants the cat food too.

18. Every morning I have to find where he has taken the cat food dishes.

19. I track them down.

20. I sternly tell Ace to quit being a thief.

21. He rolls over and plays dead.

22. I tell him he is a big fake.

23. I’m not falling for the dead act.

24. He opens an eye and looks at me.

25. I stick out my tongue at him.

26. He wags his tail.

27. Goober head.

28. I march the dishes back up to the deck.

29. I monitor the area while the cats are eating.

30. I close the door.

31. I see two ears moving just under the deck line.

32. Just like the fin in the movie Jaws.

33. Just as the big, furry, cat food stealing thief gets to the deck…I throw open the door.

34. A ha!!!

35. I caught you.

36. Ace jumps, startled.

37. I tell him to go lay down and get off the deck, so the cats can eat in peace!

38. He tries to fake me out.

39. He walks away.

40. He circles back, as soon as I close the door.

41. I watch the ears approach again.

42. Blam!

43. The doors slams open.

44. Caught again!

45. I lecture Ace on animal feeding etiquette.

46. He yawns. And wags. And barks.

47. If the neighbors hear me, I’m sure they are thinking they live next to a nut job.

48. Whatever.

49. I cannot believe I am in a battle of wits with a dog.

50. And he is winning!!! The dishes are back out in the yard. Again.