My Father’s Day Gift

Forgiveness & Rememberance

Image by alex drennan via Flickr

Today at Faith Barista we are talking about Father’s Day.

Bonnie told us to write on the topic

however we chose, just keep it real.

So that is what I am doing….
FaithBarista_FreshJamBadgeG

*****************

Some of us had difficult relationships with our fathers

When we weren’t “daddy’s little girl

When words were said

and feelings hurt.

And although he was there,

he wasn’t. Not really.

For times he chose others over my sister and me.

Maybe we just didn’t understand each other.

And yet…

I am thankful for the years he provided for his family

and gave routine and predictability to the day.

I do have good memories too.

I wish there had been more.

I wish he had chosen to live.

To see me… and my sister.

To see his grandchildren.

To know and understand that

Fatherhood is important.

I could choose to burden myself with the “Why?” questions

but, the answers would echo cold

in the void, left behind.

Instead, I have chosen forgiveness

As much for me as for him.

To forgive him,

even now, years gone

is my Father’s Day gift

to him

and to myself.

R.I.P

Dad.

Animal House

Pets make me smile. They are so goofy, I can’t help but love ’em.

Ace and Junior–The Greeters. This is what I see when I look out the van window. “We are so glad you are home! Pet us.”

 

Nikki, My Stalker Kitty

Please ignore anything you might see under my daughter’s bed. Nikki is guarding the dust bunnies. Nikki is my stalker kitty. She was taking a break from her stalking duties, under my daughter’s bed. She is a brave cat.

 

Joe, the 'fraidy cat

Joe is very sweet, but very skittish. He doesn’t want any funny business going on. He’s 13 so he’s allowed to lay under the bed if he so chooses. When I’m old, if I choose to lay under my bed, then let me. Just sayin’.

 

Shamus, the kitty

Shamus is the youngest of the “crew”. He is either fearless or has no sense, we’re still not sure. Please ignore Junior sniffing Shamus’ backside. Animals do not understand social etiquette….especially while getting their pictures taken. Sigh.

 

Shamus and Salem-- Outdoor porch guards

Salem is the queen. She is beautiful. She puts up with nothing. Don’t mess with her. She has claws and is not afraid to use them.

 

Lonnie, Terrier Extraordinaire

Lonnie is the newest member of the family. My son got him from the local humane society. He is the sweetest guy, I just love him…even though I’ve nicknamed him “The Furinator.”

 

Jazz

This is a picture I took of Jazz during our last snow. I took the picture through the living room window…where it was warm.

 

Llama Love

These are not my llamas, but I love them anyway. The neighbor across the road owns the llamas. I just get to watch them. I can’t wait for all the babies that will appear this Spring!

So Many Times, I Am A Brick

Pile of bricks.

Image via Wikipedia

If you noticed my post from yesterday, you saw that I was frustrated and angry over losing my hard work. I was not enjoying my lap top. At all.

I look back at the incident and have to laugh. My post from yesterday was going to be on perspective. Isn’t that funny? I thought I could write something worthwhile on perspective, and when I lost my post to cyberspace… I lost my temper. Not a very good perspective, huh?

I have a feeling I am not the only one that has those type of moments.

I wish I had it all together. Oh, how I wish! But…I don’t. I admit it.

I am trying to work on perspective. Two steps forward and one step back. That is the way it always seems to work out. Life is all about the lessons, isn’t it? What does God want me to learn today? Am I malleable in the Potter’s hand? Or am I stubborn and hard like a brick? Can he gently smooth  my rough edges, or does He need to hammer away at me, until I soften?

Sigh. So many times I am a brick.

I am so grateful that God is patient with me. He is compassionate to me and forgives me, my human frailties.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new EVERY morning; great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

 

The World Is Going Loco!

Drug War from my window

Image by guillermogg via Flickr

This morning I read a sad story about a mother in depression. Her husband is deployed….she shot her 2 teenage children and was going to then kill herself. Two teenagers dead, a mother in prison. A military man coming home to a family that no longer exists. Heartbreaking.

There are law enforcement officers being intentionally shot practically every day this past week.  What about the guy in Detroit who just walked in the police station and started shooting? Men and women who choose to put themselves in dangers way, on the front lines of all the craziness…..to serve and protect us. Who protects them?

A bank robber in Maryland, using an innocent bystander as a human shield. She didn’t wake up that morning knowing that she could possibly be killed by some madman.

The Mexican drug cartel, shooting and killing a missionary, as she and her husband ran for the border. Turns out the drug runners wanted the couples new truck. To the cartel a person’s life is of no value.

Multiple people killed in Egypt as the protests continues. A country in chaos.

Our world has gone insane. I know there have always been crazy, clinically depressed, or suicidal people among us. When people aren’t thinking straight they do unbelievable things. Those are just a few circumstances, but it seems like there is more and more rampant evil running amok…living among us.

Doesn’t it seem like the world is running at full tilt, straight to utter chaos? Straight to it’s total demise?

I turn on the news anymore and I want to cry. It makes me want to pull my family close to me and slam the front door shut…keep the world at bay. It is a scary place out there. I know one shouldn’t stay focused on all that…..but, pretending it doesn’t exist isn’t the answer either.

Sorry, that this post is depressing…but, sometimes that is just the way it is.

 

Puppy Dog Eyes

P1020057

Image by labanex via Flickr

The other day I pulled into the driveway and all the outside cats and dogs came running. It was cute. The thought crossed my mind, that it was comforting to have the family pets so happy to see me. For all their barking and climbing, meowing, and goofiness….dumped bowls of food on the deck,  AND disappearing food bowls….. I love them.

The other day I took my son to the local Humane Society to pick up his new friend. I had been planning on getting him his own dog for some time. Well, really ever since our other dog, Buster, died several years ago. There was a doggie sized hole in our heart that needed to be filled. So, we decided that going to the Humane Society would be a good way to find a dog that needed a home as much as we needed a dog. (A shameless plug for the local humane societies. There is a lot of love there, just waiting to be taken home.)  We researched the dogs online. We went there on Thursday. The people at the shelter were so kind and helpful. As we looked at dogs, my heart melted at least a million times. I wanted to take them all home. Alas, that wasn’t going to be able to happen….so we chose.

His name is Lonnie. He is a 5 year old, terrier mix. Obviously, at some point this dog had been crate trained.  He loves to take a bath, does well on a leash, and is a good “cuddler”.  He might not be the perfect dog—but, he is the perfect dog for us.

Pet ownership is a beautiful thing.

 

Asking ‘Why’ Is Normal

PET scan of a human brain with Alzheimer's disease

Image via Wikipedia

I have a lot of family and friends that are dealing with illness themselves, or illnesses of those they love. Some of the loved ones have had tests come back, with news that is not very encouraging. Some of them are having to learn to live with a chronic condition, others know they are dying. Friends and family members are having to learn about scary medical terms, and medical diagnoses that they can’t really get their mind around. Scared. Angry. Sad. Confused. Accepting. Forgiving. Frightened. Heartbroken. Encouraged.

Many times people ask ,”why”? Why me? Why my husband? Why my wife? Why my child? Why cancer? Or an incurable heart disease? Or Alzheimer’s? Or Cystic Fibrosis? Or a myriad number of other medical conditions that change the lives of the ones that have them, as well as those that love them.

Why is a huge question. If I had the answer to that, I would be a much sought after woman. Sometimes I blog about funny things, or controversial things, and sometimes I blog about things that make others sad. Sometimes I just feel led to blog about a certain thing, something that is on my heart. But, I don’t have the answer to, why.

I have mentioned in previous blog entries that my husband and I co-facilitate a GriefShare group. The group is for those that have lost someone close to them. This last group meeting was about the question, why. I learned some new things last week, or at least was reminded of them. I want to share some things with you. I never know who is touched by what I have to say, or whether the things I mention help anyone….but, if I say even one thing that does answer a question, touches a heart, turns a soul toward God, or gives some reassurance…then it is worth it.

1. We are all terminal patients in this life.

2. Everyone is going to die…it’s just that most of us aren’t forced to think about it.

3. “When you ask ‘why’,  you are in essence validating your own humanness and realizing you are not in control.” —Dr. Tim Clinton

4. There are questions that we have in this life, that will not be answered this side of Heaven.

5. My finite mind cannot understand an infinite God. If I could understand all His reasons,could understand why He allows the things He does, that would make Him a very small god.

6. Knowing ‘why’ wouldn’t make the hurt any less.

7. God reveals enough.

8. Attitude might not change your circumstances, but it does change YOU.

9. We are each on a journey. Some journeys are longer than others. Some have more struggles than others.

10. Everyone is going through something. Sometimes others can see it. Sometimes not.

11. Life is like a tapestry. God can see the beautiful story that he is stitching together from His perspective in Heaven. Down here on earth we can only see the “ugly” side of the tapestry. We see the knots and strings, the stops and starts, the new threads…on the underside of the tapestry. It doesn’t make sense to us…because we can’t see how we each fit into the picture. But God knows. He knows what He is doing.

12. It is good to feel a part of something bigger than yourself.

13. Illness and death are scary for everyone involved.

14. Being scared or angry is normal.

15. You don’t have to stay scared and angry.

16. It is a choice.

17. I wish I could hug everyone that is in pain.

18. And cry with them.

19. Tears are cleansing.

20. Jesus loves us. He understands grief. When His friend Lazarus died, the Bible tells us that Jesus wept.

21. Jesus understands pain.

22. His love caused Him to lay down His own life for us.

23. He loves each of us that much.

24. Pain is not because God hates you.

25. He has not forgotten you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve Got Nothing

HGTV logo premiered on March 1, 2010

Image via Wikipedia

I’m sitting here staring at my computer this morning. I’m blank. I’ve got nothing. Boring with a capital B. I want to write, but I’ve decided that it just isn’t happening today….at least not right now. It’s frustrating when I get writers block. I guess I’ll come back later and try again.  In the meantime I think I’ll watch “Bang For Your Buck” on HGTV.  Hey, my question is this: Where do the people get an extra $100,000 to redo a basement?  I must live in a different world. A much less expensive world, for sure.