Laugh Your Head Off

Sometimes when life seems crazy and out of control….

When the roof leaks and you notice the water spot on the ceiling, above your bed, growing….

When your elderly cat pees on the laundry room floor and you are the one blessed to clean it up…..

When the dog barks at 3am….again…….

When the to list has become a monkey on your back…..

And all you really want is to take a nap. Or to read a good book. Or enjoy a really rich cup of hot chocolate, but then you remember you can’t drink milk anymore…….

It is at times like these when one needs to laugh.

Laugh hard. Laugh loud. Throw in a couple of good snorts.

Laugh until your sides ache, and your eyes water.

Then laugh some more.

Laughter is good for the body…..and the soul.

God gave us a sense of humor, and we were created in His image.

I think God has a sense of humor too. He must.

On this note, I’ve pulled some funny blog posts from my archives, to hopefully give you some good laughs today:)

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Of Mice and Men…Uh Make That Women Too.

4 Nov

Life is difficult right now for a lot of people. The economy is in a slump, people not being able to find jobs, penny pinching is the norm.  We could all use a good laugh, and because I don’t mind using my own fiasco’s of life to make for a good story and hopefully some smiles….here it is.

Those of you that have been reading my blog for awhile know that my family moved into our new house this past summer. We had built it ourselves (of course with the help of at least a million other people) and are pretty happy with how things have turned out.  Except for the fact that since we built our house in the middle of what used to be open farmland, basically a big field, we have field mice. Okay, so we moved into their territory…..they need to get over it! They invaded our garage in full rodent force.   That was bad enough as I am not friends of rodents named Mickey, Stuart, or Jerry.  Well, really I’m not friends with any rodents. Period.Um….as a matter of fact I am an arch enemy. Just so you know where I stand.

So, the fact we had these furry creatures in our garage was bad enough……but when one escaped into the living quarters of the house…..and by living quarters I mean the master bedroom/bath…..this was all out war! So, here is the story from my point of view, others might say differently (namely my husband) but don’t listen to them…because I’m telling the story here.

The other night I had to use the bathroom before going to bed. (as God gave me the bladder the size of a pea, that is just my burden to bear) It was a little after 10 and I was tired. I trudged into the bathroom and had just sat down when IT ran right under my feet. At this point my brain has not caught up with my vocal cords.  As I lifted my feet straight off the floor I let out a scream. My brain kicked in when my husband came tearing into the bathroom, at my obvious distress. The fact that I’m sitting on the toilet with my legs stuck straight out, pointing at the corner of the room….. he guessed it was the mouse.  He is a smart man.  I, still perched on the toilet, told him “to get it!”  He grabbed a trap we had (since we had been trying to get the fur ball since the evening before) and he cornered the mouse.  Long story short the mouse got his leg caught in the trap and there was a lot of squealing going on. (by the mouse,not my husband) My husband stood there with a wriggling mouse. He was my hero!  The Mouse Master!

So, he wasn’t sure what to do with it since it was still alive. He took it outside where our outdoor kitty saw him and thought to herself, ” Daddy, thank you so much! You brought me a night time snack. How thoughtful of you.” She took off with it and needless to say the bathroom mouse was no more.

As an ending to the story I had to clean up the mouse “remnants” the next morning. Yuck. I know why I hate mice and their little “presents” they leave behind.  I cloroxed everything. Let that clean aroma be a deterrent to any other rodents that get the idea that they can share my house. The only time I’m interested in seeing a rodent is if it’s on TV being chased by Tom.

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Simply NOT Acceptable

24 Jan

Wood mouse (Apodemus sylvaticus) in the Nether...

Last night I was in bed, all propped up with pillows, snuggled in my super soft blanket, hubby by my side.  I was checking out something on my lap top with one eye while I watched TV with the other. (it’s  a gift) Then I saw IT. Well, I thought I saw it. Okay, I sort of saw it, out of the corner of my eye. A small, black mouse. I thought it might be my imagination, or a shadow. I tried to make myself feel better, but it didn’t work. I had hubby turn down the TV volume so I could listen. I have super bat-like hearing. The slightest squeak, rustle, or gnawing and I would hear it. I’m freaky that way. A slight rub on the side of one of my baskets…..a black flash scooted in front of the french doors. AAaaggggh!

Hubby set a trap, and placed it near the wall on my side of bedroom. My first thought was, what if I have to get up to pee in the middle of the night and forget the trap is there and snap my toe off? Stinkin’ rodent, putting me through this turmoil, and right before bed!!!! I finally got to sleep worrying that this mouse would wait until I’m sound asleep and then gnaw my face off. I have a vivid imagination.

This morning I carefully got up (it was still dark outside) and assessed the situation with the light from my cell phone. (didn’t want to turn the light on and bother hubby) I did not see a dead mouse. Ugh. I tiptoed around ( I have no idea why…I didn’t want to disturb the renegade mouse??!!) .

I made my way out to the dining room and kitchen. As I flipped on the light I saw our cat, Nikki, laying on the rug in front of the fire place. Just then—flash—the black shadow ran behind some pictures that I have leaning against the wall. I picked Nikki up and threw her at the pictures. Bless her heart she had no idea what was going on. She had her back to the whole mouse situation and didn’t see it and now her owner is throwing her and telling her to “sic it”.  Poor girl. She’ll need pet therapy.

Then it was 8 am and time to let the dog out. My son’s new little dog is part Fox Terrier/Schipperke. Both these  types of dogs have hunting small animals in their blood. Their ancestors are fox, squirrel,  and rat killers. A small field mouse should be a piece of cake. Alas, he was more worried in going to the bathroom than catching a sly field mouse.He and I are going to have a talk.

Now as I sit here typing, I notice Nikki stalking around the living room. I think she is on the scent. She is intently watching….something. If Lonnie, the wonder dog, sees the mouse it will be toast. He already nearly destroyed the cat’s stuffed gerbil toy. Wahahaha!  House pets, unite!

If this situation is an example of how the rest of the day is going to go, well than I am in trouble.

Lonnie, Nikki, and I are going on a mouse hunt.

It is totally unacceptable to me to have even one lone mouse in the house. I cannot deal with it. Dirty, disgusting, nasty varmint.

 

Okay, People. This Is It!

mousetrap

Image via Wikipedia

For the past week or so, on and off, I’ve been blogging about mice. The little field vermin have managed to find their way into my house. Notice I said MY house although they seem to think they have ownership too. My kids (and the cat) caught the one from last week and that is all wonderful and fine, but the furball had relatives…and they are many.

The other evening I was in the pantry looking for some ingredients, so I could whip together a dinner worthy of Taste of Home…..when I heard a scratch. A scratch nearby. I froze. Just then a teeny little head poked it’s way out of a Walmart bag, that I have a pile of, on the pantry floor. I don’t know who was more freaked out. Him or me?! After gaining my composure I stomped (so as to scare him away and not have him run up my pants legs or something) over to where I keep the glue traps.  I pulled one out and slapped it down on the floor. Some of you might think I’m cruel, but all is fair in love and war. This is war!

I’m still hearing scratching in the ceiling. I fear that I am going to have to suit up like a character from Ghost Busters, and trek up to the attic. It is unnerving to me….but a woman’s got to do what a woman’s got to do. The attic is shadowy and dark. The puny little light bulb we have up there is not enough. This will give the rodent army the advantage. I on the other hand, like to think that I am much smarter than they are. I can woo them with peanut butter and cheese. Think of it as their last meal because they are dead mice walking.

I assume that they will watch me from the shadows with their beady little eyes. I will tell them, “This house isn’t big enough for the 200 of us. ( I really have no idea the number of mice in the attic. It could be 3 or 3 million, who really knows? They all look the same.) It’s me against you varmints! I will throw down the gauntlet. They will squeak in fear. Or not.

The saga continues…

It’s Behind The Refrigerator!

RSPCA cat & mouse

Image by Jo and Paul's pics via Flickr

The saga continues…

I came out to the kitchen this morning, flipped on the lights and turned the coffee pot on. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the “dark shadow” zip behind the refrigerator. As I came around the corner of the cabinets I saw Nikki sitting there like a statue. Her eyes glued to the small area around the fridge. She heard it too. She wanted it. She licked her chops.

I hear it moving around behind the refrigerator. It has to come out eventually. Nikki will be waiting. Hopefully. I hope she doesn’t give up when we let the dog out (in 10 min.) to use the bathroom. Lonnie is always so energetic in the morning, he might distract Nikki from her job.

Have I mentioned that I hate mice? Seriously.

What if that varmint had run across my foot when I opened the refrigerator door this morning? I would have had a screaming heart attack. The family would have shot out of bed sure that the world was coming to an end….and for me if would have. I would have been laying dead as a doornail on the kitchen floor.

Nikki repositioned…the mouse is now behind the freezer. (We have separate standing refrigerator/freezer) I can hear the little sucker. I think he is watching me type through the vent in the bottom of the freezer, under the door. I thought I heard a snicker.

He’s probably scared. Poor little field mouse can’t find his way out of this crazy house, big cat waiting on him to make the wrong move, owner of house threatening him bodily harm and laughing manically. Whatever. This war is still on…’cause I’m still thinking about how much mouse poop is probably behind my fridge. Stupid, mouse.

Survival Of The Fittest–Part 2

Mice with different coat colors.

Image via Wikipedia

The mouse is winning. After Sunday night’s glimpse of the mouse in my bedroom and then seeing it zip through the dining room yesterday morning, I didn’t see it at all. Mice are stealthy like that. They make a brief appearance than they are gone…until they show up again and scare the bejeebies out of you!

Last night around10:30, my daughter made an appearance at the bedroom door. ” I saw the mouse. “Where was it?  ” It was in Joe’s mouth.” (Joe is our 13 year old, indoor, ‘fraidy cat) Joe? She proceeded to tell us that she was on her computer and not paying attention to Joe, when he walked up to her. She was startled when she saw a tail hanging out of his mouth. The fact that she was startled, startled Joe who promptly dropped the mouse, which unfortunately happened to still be alive. The mouse beat a hasty retreat, thanking God for second chances, as he ran for his life under the bed. Joe took off after him. My daughter claimed she did not know the current location of the mouse. At this point I must say, I am highly impressed with Joe. He might be elderly, and afraid of his own shadow, but he still has some gumption left in him.

Last night I heard a mouse in the kitchen ceiling. Probably the same one I heard in the the ceiling of the pantry. I started to talk to the rogue mouse somewhere above my head. “Listen up fur ball, this is not a mouse house. Get out, or all bets are off. You think you are so smart, but I’ve got news for you…YOU ARE A MOUSE. Your brain is a lot smaller than mine. I will outwit you. I will get you. By the way, you better not be pooping all over my family’s stuff in the attic.”

I’ve never had this kind of problem before (multiple mice).  My family and I lived in an old farmhouse until I was 5 years old. I do remember that we had caught a mouse in the kitchen and I cried because the mouse had died. As a preschooler I didn’t understand the joy of catching a rodent. We moved to a rancher that my parents had built, out in the woods. No mice. Not once in the 14 years I lived there. The reason was we had snakes. Lots of snakes. Snakes eat mice. Now, I don’t know that I was thrilled with snakes either…but, they did take care of the mice or any other rodents near our house. The snakes were outside in the wild, by the way. We didn’t have snakes inside. If that had been the case, my mom would have died of a heart attack a long time ago.

My late husband and I rented a house in the city. It was a beautiful, older stone house. One Saturday afternoon I was on the phone when I saw a furry flash across the kitchen floor. I didn’t want to scream into the phone so I climbed on the dining room chair to finish my conversation, all the while dancing around and flailing my arms at my husband while pointing at the kitchen. He probably was wondering why he had chosen to marry a woman that was obviously insane.  As soon as I got off the phone, I told him that we had a mouse. He did not seem as upset as I was. Men. Puh-leeze. They don’t appear as alarmed about filthy, stinkin’ rodents as I am. What’s with that?

The house that I lived in in Knoxville, TN. only had one mouse incident. A field mouse got in under the garage door. I laid traps in the garage. It was a veritable landmine. I caught him on a glue trap. He was teeny tiny. I didn’t want to touch him so I picked the entire trap up and tossed it in the woods. Now, I lived in the city. The only mouse inside was that one. I did have a RAT problem outside. The rats were huge, and much scarier than mice. These rats would eat my dog’s food. This just goes to prove that Walmart dogfood will bulk up rats. Big time. They’d stand on their hind legs and stare at me as if to say, “Where’s the chow, lady?”. I ended up poisoning those suckers. (away from the dog or food rest assured)

So, this puts me back to our new house here in Ohio. Yes, we live in a farm field. Yes, I realize that there are field mice. I just didn’t expect the influx from outside. I am a grown woman. I should not be bothered by a mouse the size of my little finger…BUT, I am. This is a battle I intend to win.

Let the games begin.