Tag Archives: letting go

Letting Go Of Expectations

Great Expectations (1999 film)

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Have you ever read something and realized it was YOU the writer was talking about? Okay, well maybe not really you, but it may as well have been. The words hit so close to home that you look over your shoulder to see if anyone is watching you, as you read…

I’ve finished One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I’m reading it again. It’s that good. On pages 168-169, Ann discusses “expectations”. During book club it was discussed that expectations are premeditated resentments.

Ouch.

How many times have I let my expectations, ruin the moment? How many times have I expected something, only to see that others can’t meet that bar? How many times have I expected perfection in the moment, only to be sorely disappointed? I struggle with the way I think things “should be”. When things don’t turn out the way I had hoped, I am left frazzled, irritated, and resentful.

Resentment. I know it well. I wish I didn’t.

That insidious word, feeling, has stolen my joy on numerous occasions.

It builds up inside of me, until it blinds me to all else. I can no longer see the joy of the moment because resentment has me standing in darkness.

I bite the words as they come out of my mouth. Hard and bitter.

I need to let the expectations go.

Do I want to enjoy the moment that God gave me, or do I want to “be right”?

“Expectations, kill relationships”, Ann surmises. I tend to agree.

I’m a work in progress.

Joy is in the moment.

I’m learning to “let go” so I can enjoy the moments God has given me. The lessons are not simple, nor easy.

All of life is learning.

It’s hard to stay resentful… if I’m giving thanks. The two don’t mix well. I will continue with eucharisteo.

Amen.

We are discussing “letting go” this week at A Holy Experience. If you would like to read more, click on my Walk With Him Wednesdays graphic on my right side bar.

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For A Season

wave crash

Ecclesiastes 3

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens

. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

I became comfortable in my life. There was a certain predictability, that brought not boredom to me, but security. I grasped hard. I wanted to hold on to what is…scared of what might be.

Fear does horrible things to a human heart.

It paralyzes. It cowers. It handicaps.

The grip of fear made me timid. It limited me.

Instead of stepping out into God’s plan, in confidence, I stayed back in the shadows. Unsure.

I needed to loosen my grip…and let it go.

My husband lost his job of nearly 23 years. It was no fault of his own. That is what made the news so much more difficult. I hated the economy. I hated the company’s decision, handed down my executives that didn’t even know us. I hated the change that swept over us like a dark wave of the ocean…we were drowning.

My grip tightened. My knuckles were white from the death grip I had placed on my life.

NO, God! NO!

I resorted to begging. Crying. Pleading.

Fear, it is a terrible thing. It preyed on me, like a wild animal. It wanted to devour me, to destroy me…..and I was letting it.

I’m not exactly sure when the change happened. I’m sure it was months into the unemployment, my working part time substitute teaching, with the help of family and friends. Never once did we miss a bill. We finished building the house we were right in the middle of constructing, when my husband lost his job.

I realized that things did work out for us. Life was not what it had been, but we were (and are) okay.

It might not have.

God spoke to my heart. No, not in an audible voice. And no, I was not having a break down. His Word echoed over the waves of the ocean, that were crashing all around me.

God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. (2 Timothy 1:7)

God did not want me to have fear of the unknown…He wanted me to trust. Trust Him. Trust Him and let it go. Let go of the fear.

5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

“Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5)

My security never came from things. Never from a steady paycheck. Never from money in the bank. Never from paying bills. Or being able to go out to eat on a whim. Never from knowing what each day held on the calendar.

My security was, and is, always in HIM. I had known this….but, it took a job loss…the strain…..the not knowing…..to be reminded.

Phil 4:19………”And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

Mt 6:8…………”your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him.”

Ps 34:10……….”…those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.”

I continue to stumble, but I am learning to let go…..

 

This week we are discussing “Letting Go” over at, A Holy Experience. Click on the WALK WITH HIM WEDNESDAY graphic on my right side bar, to read more!

 




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Letting Go

Vlčice (Wildschütz) - old gravestone

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This week, we are discussing “letting go”. (Click on the Walk With Him Wednesdays/One Thousand Gifts on my right sidebar if you want to read more.)

Letting Go…

So hard for me. I struggle. I cry. I’m stubborn. It hurts.

I hold on until my hands ache. My muscles spasm. I can hardly breathe.

NO, GOD!!!

My grandmother laid in her bed. Family gathered around. We knew her time was short. She was ready to go home, but only days away from being 20 years old, I didn’t want to let her go. The memories washed over me, salty tears coursed down my face. I watched, sadly, as the funeral worker came to the house to take her away. She was buried on my birthday. The day I turned 20. The day I told her goodbye.

In November of 2000, the hospital lights glared as I stood over my husband’s bed. The nurse asked me if I wanted my husband’s wedding ring? And did I want to say a final goodbye to him before they took him away? My pastor friend was there. A friend from Sunday School. I explained to my 5 year old son that Daddy was with God now, and he wasn’t coming back.

I got the call early, before I left for work. It was a chilly March morning, that day in 2002. My aunt’s voice carried hundreds of miles across the phone line. “Dawn, I called you first. Will you call your sister? Your father is dead. He took his own life.”  The air sucked out of my lungs. “What?!” My brain was numb as I attempted to process what she had just told me.  My dad left….and he didn’t even say goodbye.

I got a call from my husband, Scott, in January 2009. We had been married for just a tad over 3 years. Scott had a good job (he worked remotely) with a company that he had been with for 22 years. We were in the process of building a house out of state. Exciting times…..until that fateful phone call. His company was letting him go. No fault of his own. Economy. Since he worked remotely, he couldn’t be put in a new position. I was trying to process the news….we were a single income family, we were in the middle of building a house, what were we going to do?!  I had to say goodbye to the life that I had known.

Letting go. Saying goodbye. Starting over.

My knuckles were white from the grasping hard.

And yet… it is when I let go, give up, release, that I can watch God in action. When I stop wrestling with Him for control, I can see Him at work.

When I stop saying “me”, and start saying “YOU”, I give Him glory.

Letting go is not easy. Humanly speaking, I don’t know if it ever is. But, it is only when I let go and rest in Him that I fully begin to understand who God  is.

Psalm 34 …4.I sought the Lord and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears…..8. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him. 17. The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. 18. The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

God is good. All the time. Even when we have to let go.

 

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