My Heart Aches

English: Crying boy

I was going to write a post about something else today…something that doesn’t really seem as important right now.

I was working with one of my students when I got the news about the school shooting in Connecticut. The news numbed me. I had flashbacks of my days in the classroom when we prepared (as much as one can) for incidents such as this. Lock down drills were unnerving and those drills were just for “practice”. I cannot fathom the fear of all those involved.

My heart aches for these families that lost young children. Tears spring to this mom’s eyes. My heart aches for the families of the teaching staff at that school–those teachers that aren’t coming home today. My heart aches for all those involved and the terrible memories that will be felt now, because of today’s events, every year right before Christmas break.

This world is broken. It can sometimes be a place where bad things, awful things, scary things, terribly sad things, happen to otherwise good people. It is a place where disturbed young men can take the lives of young children. These children,  today, saw the face of evil.

My heart hurts. A tragedy…and how can one ever be prepared for something such as this?
“The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? Jeremiah 17:9 NLT

I have no more words.

 

 

 

 

 

TRUST– Is The Word

Jesus

Bonnie, at Faith Barista, challenged her readers to think of one word that will be their word for 2012.

I started thinking about that word yesterday….my blog from yesterday was about trust.

So, I am choosing TRUST as my word.

Trust.

A difficult word.

I will admit that I struggle with that word.

Trust requires the letting go of control, something I am not good at. AT ALL.

I’ve thought about it…and I believe that I am insightful enough to have realized something about myself.

Keeping control makes me feel like I AM in control of my life.

Safety. Security. Knowing. Those are important to me.

I’ve never been a “fly by the seat of your pants” type of girl.

CHECK.  CHECK,CHECK.   CHECK,CHECK, CHECK!!! Getting the to do list done!

What a lie!

A lie that I willingly allowed myself to believe.

I’m not in control. I never have been.

Control is just a facade that allowed me to feel better.

Trust in Me…Jesus whispered.

I AM, is in control.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. John 14:1 NIV

I have been a Christian for 33 years this coming May. That’s a long time,huh?

Thirty-three years of trusting Christ, and then taking it back.

Clawing and gripping for the control, that I don’t even own.

Sigh.

I’m tired. Who do I think I am, anyway? Do I think that I can do a better job in my life, than He can?

Really? Do I?

Sigh, again.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding… Proverbs 3:5 NIV

Lean not on my own understanding…..because really, what do I know?

I am unable to see even a minute into my future.

I can plan, but it is like building one’s house on sand….not sure. Not sturdy. Can easily be destroyed.

So…..

trust is my word.

Trusting in the One who says…..

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Laying my life at His feet.

Trusting in Christ alone.

It’s All Grace

I had just returned  from an early morning walk.

I was struck by the beauty of this scene…a  scene right in my front yard.

I’m so glad I took the time to snap the picture.

My peaceful morning picture.

I enjoy looking at it. Over and over again.

Saturday night I was completely awestruck by the beauty of the “super” moon. The moon was huge. And perfect.

The light it cast was reflecting on the winter lake across the road. Out here, in rural America we have “winter water lakes” .  The lakes are not real lakes. In our case, the farmer across the road has a low spot in his field. The rain and snow melt cause a lake to form. It doesn’t last forever but, for now the geese and ducks love it….and so do I.

The moonlight rippled across the water. The black silhouette of a still bare tree. The moon. The beautiful moon.

I had a difficult time pulling my gaze away from the scene.

I could hear frogs croaking in the darkness, along with the shrill sound of a killdeer.

I attempted to take a picture. I wanted to capture the beauty of the moment. Alas, my camera was unable to accurately copy the night time scene. My picture was dark.  I wonder if  catching moonlight is even possible?  I ended up with a dark picture with a white spot in the middle…which was the moon. No aura. No still beauty. No moonlight.

I wanted to savor the moment so I grabbed my Eurcharisteo journal…and I gave thanks.

#281  bright moon, close to Earth

#282  cool night air

#283  silhouette of bare tree under moonlight

#284  moon mirrored in the winter lake, in the field

#285   enjoying the beauty of God

#286   afternoon nap

#287  snuggling

#288  breath taking views

#289  pink

#290  the awe in the Almighty

#291  warm sweater

#292  smooth hair

#293  my tall son

#294  blue tennis shoes

# 295  Jeremiah 31:9

#296 comfortable clothes

#297  early morning quiet

#298 breakfast

#299 sunlight on the barn

#300 the mail van stopping at my house

It’s all by His grace. Every bit of it.

As I’ve been writing down in my notebook…. filling it with eucharisteo, I have become more and more aware of this fact.

If you are interested in reading more, click on the Multitudes on Mondays graphic in the right hand column.

Time Out

country road

Image by Slideshow Bruce via Flickr

As a former elementary, special education teacher and at one point a mom of a young son (who is now a teen) I know about time out. I could always tell when a child needed a time out. That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing…. most times the child just needed some time away. Time to sit in the beanbag chair and stare out the window. Time to lay down and close one’s eyes. Time to breathe. Time to rest.

Why is it always easier to tell when someone else needs a time out to rest and regroup? When it comes to myself, I am terrible about this. Sigh.

I thought when I remarried, after five years of widowhood, that it would be easier. I was going to be able to stay home, home school the children of my now blended family, do the daily household tasks and still have time to rest. Uh huh. What world was I living in? Certainly not reality.

Rest. What is that?

And yet, rest it is something that I crave. I want. I need.

Jesus knows this. He says to each of us, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

If you are anything like me, you have been led to believe that resting is nonproductive. I could be accomplishing something, instead of resting. I have a mountain of laundry to get done, I need to get the dishes out of the dishwasher, my son needs help with Algebra, my daughter needs to complete her history report, the dog needs brushed, the carpet needs vacuumed, I have a blog to finish and what in the world am I fixing for dinner?!

Rest.

I live in a beautiful part of the country. In 2009 my husband and I moved our family to rural Ohio. He works remotely so we could pick anywhere to live. We picked the country. My favorite place is our front porch. I love to settle down in the Adirondack chair and look down our driveway and across the road. Our neighbors have llamas and I enjoy watching them graze. The baby llamas look like huge, fluffy cotton balls. I can see deer in the field that is diagonal from our property. There is a bright red barn in the distance. The sun blazes across the horizon on that end of the house…and in the evening the sky turns shades of purple and blue. I hear the train whistle in the distance and I hear a dog’s muffled bark.

Time slows for me. I breathe deeply.

Rest. Renewal.

Time alone. Time with God. Time to rest in Him.

As I look down our country road this verse comes to my mind….

Jeremiah 6:16  This is what the Lord says: “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Join me over at The Faith Barista Jam. (Click on the link on the right side of my page) This month we are talking about rest. Don’t we all need that?