10 Reasons I Hate Grocery Shopping

Standard shopping cart, picture taken at a Weg...

Image via Wikipedia

It is the end of a long week and time for a good laugh…..

I had to go to the grocery store this morning. It was either that, or allow my family to starve. I considered it. Ahem…..just kidding.  The grocery store is not my favorite place. As a matter of fact, I find myself becoming overly depressed when food shopping. I can literally feel myself becoming poor with each push of the cart…..which leads me to the ten reasons I hate grocery shopping.

1. I always end up with the renegade cart that has wheels that go in different directions. I think I have a predetermined genetic condition that draws the wobbly carts to me. The strongest thing I drink is iced tea, but steering the crazy cart up and down the aisles makes me look like I’ve been on a week long bender. A great way to start the morning, let me tell you.

2. The one thing I’m looking for is not on the shelf. A.) It is now a discontinued product and will no longer be available. or B.) I got there too late and some other mom scarfed up all goods and left nary a crumb for anyone else. At the time I was thinking ugly thoughts. I will not type them for all to see.

3. I had to go through 5 egg cartons before I found one that didn’t have damaged eggs. Ugh. If an egg can go through all the trauma of being laid by a chicken…..can’t we get them into a box and shipped without cracking about a million of them? Just saying. I have cracked egg frustration.

4. Little old ladies that talk on their cell phone…LOUDLY. I realize that she probably spoke loudly because she couldn’t hear herself…..but, the rest of the store could. Plus, every time she replied to the person on the other end of the conversation, she stopped her cart. I almost ran her down. Not intentionally.

5. Meat is expensive. My family likes meat. They have membership cards to carnivores of America. They know the difference between real meat and fake meat. I’ve already tried that.

6. I got all the way through the store and realized that I had forgotten something. Because I didn’t make a list this time. Because I was tired and didn’t feel like it. Now, I pay the price! Oh well, I didn’t need it that bad.That’s my story anyway.

7. There is a man in front of me with 50 bazillion items and there are no other cashiers available, so I sigh and get in line.

8. There is a woman behind me with two items and I let her go in front of me because if I don’t I’ll feel guilty. She said, “thank you” to me. I smile, but I’m really thinking, “I hate you because you only have two things to buy”. Okay, I didn’t really hate her. I was just jealous. Plus, I was sweating from all the steering of the cart and schlepping meat products into those plastic bags. It’s hard work, people.

9. The grocery store parking lot has a trillion parking places, most of which were empty at this time of the day. You’d think that no one would feel the need to park smack dab next to my van. Well, you would be wrong! As I came outside and pushed my cart to the van I notice a car parked on the side of my van that has the sliding door. The door I need to open and get the cart next to so I can unload my groceries. I begin to talk to myself (and to anyone within earshot)……Who parks a car that close to a van when there are a ton of other parking spots?????!!!!!! I am forced to squeeze the cart in between the van and car. Just as I am situated and attempting to unload, a woman and her teen daughter emerge from the store. She laughed, “Oh, sorry. I guess I parked a little close.” I gave her the death glare. She deserved it.

10. After returning the cart to the store, I jumped in the van and circled around to the entrance of the parking lot….at which point I heard several thuds and realized that my canned food was now rolling around on the van floor……Big sigh. I’ll have the kids help me unpack when I get to the house. They can crawl around on the floor looking for the canned peas.

 

Help! I’m Stuck In Frozen Foods

A young girl and her mother shop for chicken e...

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So, as I mentioned in yesterday’s blog post…I got up early and went to the grocery store(s). WalMart at 8:15 in the morning usually is not so busy. Today it WAS! Every body and their brother was schlepping up and down the aisles picking out “stuck in a snowstorm” food. It also did not help my plight any that whoever wasn’t shopping for snow food was shopping for Super Bowl food. Get out of my way Super Bowl people!  Put down those chips and cheese dip. I’m on a mission.

I wrestled somebody’s grandma to the ground for the last bottle of salsa. Okay, so that is a lie. I didn’t really do that. I wouldn’t wrestle a grandma for salsa. Ice cream maybe, but not salsa. I have my priorities.

In all seriousness, there were a lot of senior individuals out and about today. I felt sorry for them. They probably believed their early morning shopping routine was being over taken by storm shoppers…and they would be right.

I moved on to the next store. I got there 15 min. after it opened. By the time I got ready to check out, the line was all the way back to the freezer aisle! For the love of Pete! Storm shoppers are a hardy bunch. We are not deterred by long lines! We settled in for the long haul. I was enjoying the sweet scene in front of me. A little boy (about 3 or 4 yrs. old) was shopping with his aunt. I know this because he called her aunt several times. (Call me super sleuth)  He was telling her various stories about  his parents. (one of them had to be this woman’s brother or sister) It was a lovely story about how the little boy’s mom liked Chinese food and the little boy liked Chinese (the jury is still out on whether Daddy liked it). He asked his aunt if she’d buy him Chinese? She said, “why don’t we let mommy and daddy buy that?”  He said okay. “Mommy gets Chinese a lot, because she can’t cook it.” I smiled. The little guy smiled back. He reminded me of my son when he was 4 years old. He liked to tell stories too. Not about Chinese food, but you get the gist.

The line went quickly. I smiled at the cashier gentleman. I told him that he was very quick with check out and I appreciated that he was smiling and in a good mood even though he was swamped. He laughed. He said, “I expected that we’d we busy, just not this early!”

I got everything stashed and packed in the mini van. I did not drop anything…no cans rolled under the van. Not that, that happens to me. Purely, hypothetical. On the way home I did hear a loud crash and looked to see that a sack of soups fell off the seat and rolled around on the floor near the van’s side door. I’m so lucky. Now when I open the van door, all the cans will roll out into the driveway. Sigh. I don’t get paid enough for this wife/mom gig. Just sayin’.

The weather people are calling for a monster storm. Snow. Sleet. Freezing Rain. High winds. Some states. even getting tornadoes. Just watch. All this shopping and standing in line and we, here in rural Ohio, probably will end up with an inch of snow. That would be my luck. Whatever. At least I have enough hot chocolate and chips to last the family and me until 2012.

Oh, and by the way, I also have sweet smelling candles to burn…just in case the electricity goes out. (due to ice) We might all be sitting in the dark but, at least it will smell good. Then again apple, cinnamon, and pumpkin spice scented candles might make us hungry. That’s where the excessive amounts of chips and salsa comes in. A mom always plans ahead.

Today In Time

Inside the Walmart (still branded as Wal-Mart)...

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~ Friday, January 14, 2011

Outside my window. . .it is snowing. It seems like just about every day since December 1st, it has been snowing. Global Warming, uh huh. Yeah.
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I am thinking. . .that I need to go to Walmart today. The family is in need of some groceries. I hate grocery shopping. It depresses me. Everything is so expensive. Plus, I’d like to be more creative with food selection, but Walmart is not really about creativity. Sigh.
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From the learning room. . .my kids are up and are not happy that they don’t have the day off (for teacher inservice) like the public schools. Such is the plight of the homeschooler.
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I am thankful for. . .a lot of things. Currently, a warm house and cozy jammies.
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From the kitchen. . .I smell the orange scented detergent in the dishwasher. I’m so thankful for whoever created the dishwasher. Really. Seriously. I could kiss him. (or her?)
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I am wearing. . .my Christmas pajamas. My mom bought them for me. They are the softest pj’s I own. Very nice.
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I am creating. . .a legacy. For better or for worse.
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I am going. . .to watch a movie tonight with the family. We don’t do this often enough.
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I am reading. . .an excellent book by Ken Ham. Basically, it’s about If God is Loving, why do people suffer? I know heavy stuff. That is just how I am. Not afraid to tackle the hard things in life.
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I am hoping. . .that our mini van doesn’t break down on our day trip tomorrow. It is held together with bubblegum and rubber bands. And prayer. Okay, so maybe the first two are a lie. The third is not.
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I am hearing. . .Fox and Friends on the morning news. I enjoy FOX. Yes, they are conservative. I am conservative, so it works.
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Around the house. . .the usual morning rituals are going on. Coffee brewing. Children crunching cereal. Dog and cats begging for some petting. Morning news on.
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One of my favorite things. . .quiet time to myself. Definitely. Silence doesn’t bother me.
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A few plans for the rest of the week. . .grocery shopping, movie night, pick up daughter from her visit with her cousins, church, trip to the vet, home school. That’s all I’ve got right now. That I know of….because it can always change….and usually does.
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Find out more about the Simple Woman’s Daybook at this site.

I’m Not Bald Yet

Math problem M.2 (Grade 8) Thailand # Solution2

Image by arjin j via Flickr

I was planning on doing a wonderful blog on President Bush’s new book, Decision Points. I was thinking informative. Captivating. Maybe some humor thrown in for good measure. Yep. It was all planned…in my mind.

Then life happened.

This is how my day actually went:

1. Overslept.

2. Almost tripped going to the bathroom.

3. The bathroom vent bird fluttered and carried on and scared me a little bit. (I’m thinking that a gang of small birds are finding their way into my family’s attic. Either that or we’ve got bats in the belfry–and if you think for one red hot New York minute that I’m checking THAT out, well you’ve got another thing comin’. Because I know that bats are just little vampires in disguise.)

4. I was grinding my own coffee beans and managed to spill half of it on the counter while attempting to get it in the coffee pot. Okay. Trying this again.

5. I went grocery shopping and as I’m walking out of the store, loaded down with massive amounts of food and junk…it begins to rain and the wind blows and I’m shoveling stuff into the van, and did I mention it was raining and I didn’t have my jacket on, and it was cold too. So, yeah. Bummer for me.

6. On the way home I listened to Rush Limbaugh. ( I know you either love him or hate him. I love him. Don’t say anything nasty to me. To each their own, people.)

7. So as I’m listening I’m getting riled up….what is the deal with the TSA guys at the airport doing pat downs on people’s crotches? I mean really, people. Is this what it’s coming down to? Is everyone going to be molested at the airport now? Whether you are an 80 year old grandpa, or a 10 year old school girl? For the love of pete! I might have to blog about this subject later, after I’ve calmed down a bit.

8. I tried to feed the cats without the dogs eating their food. The dogs are crazy. But, I’m crazier.

9. I helped my son with his algebra assignment tonight. After an hour of mathematical torture we were both getting a bit slap happy.

10. This is when I started singing to him in the kitchen…a song I made up about algebra. It made absolutely no sense. And I’m okay with that.

It was either laugh or pull my hair out….and I kinda like my hair, so I laughed.