I Am Loved

“How is God calling you to become the Beloved?”

 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Colossians 3:12  NIV

The God of the universe calls me His. One of His chosen. That knowledge still leaves me breathless. Not only did He choose me, but He loves me…dearly.

Even though I have been a follower of Christ for decades, I still in my more contemplative and quiet moments, shyly ask Him, “Why”?

Why me? Why now? Why do you call me Your beloved?

“I fail You, all the time,” I mutter. This spoken from a heart that knows.

And His reply comes to me from The Word.

Know that the Lord is God.
    It is he who made us, and we are his;
    we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Psalm 100:3 NIV

Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. 2 Corinthians 3:5 NIV

I will not even try to understand an infinite God. His ways are not my ways.

But, He answers the why question by His actions.

God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 NIV

Grace was given.

Grace being the love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it, not because of anything we have done to deserve it.

I am quiet. I ponder these verses.

I am loved.

I’m More Than The “If Only”

The paper was yellowed with age, and it was deeply creased. I gently unfolded it and was taken back to decades past.

Electronic typewriter - the final stage in typ...

The report card(s)made me smile, as former teachers faces flashed before my eyes.  I was an A and B student for most of my school career. Grades were important to me, I always wanted to do my best. If my grades didn’t match what I thought my effort deserved, then I was disappointed in myself.

There is was. My eyes caught that dreaded letter. “D”. One of two that I received in my entire school career. It was in typing of all things. Yes, typing. It was my sophomore year in high school and it was a mandatory class. Computers in the early 80’s were still not “personal” and most people didn’t have one. This was the pre-social media age. (haha)  I learned to type on an electric typewriter whose size took up an entire desk. The timed tests are what got me. Too many mistakes. Oh, how I teared up when the teacher told me the bad news! I was devastated.

I wasn’t good enough. How could I let this happen?

Almost thirty years later, I still struggle with the not good enough. Oh, not the “D”…that has long since melted into history…but, the underlying question remains, “am I good enough?”

How many times do I set the bar in my life, only to fail? To come up short. At times, not even be in the game?

I am guilty of believing that I was the one in control. That when bad things happen I could have, should have, done something. Done better. Tried harder.

I was never in control. Never. Not once. Not, really.

That is a profound statement, isn’t it? So many times we think about the “if onlys”.  If only I was smarter, faster, prettier, skinnier, more organized, more outgoing, more capable……more. more. more. If only I met all these requirements, then everything would be alright. I’d be in control of my circumstances.

It is a struggle. I wish it wasn’t. I want to see myself, like Christ sees me.

Redeemed.

“But, Lord……if only I’d pray more often. If only I did my devotions every day. If only I loved more and forgave more. If only I was more of a reflection of you in my daily life.”  And the “if onlys” widen the gap between me and the One that calls me worthy.

In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. Ephesians 3:12 NIV

But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— Colossians 1:22 NIV

And the tears fall, as the words sink in.