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It is the end of a long week and time for a good laugh…..
I had to go to the grocery store this morning. It was either that, or allow my family to starve. I considered it. Ahem…..just kidding. The grocery store is not my favorite place. As a matter of fact, I find myself becoming overly depressed when food shopping. I can literally feel myself becoming poor with each push of the cart…..which leads me to the ten reasons I hate grocery shopping.
1. I always end up with the renegade cart that has wheels that go in different directions. I think I have a predetermined genetic condition that draws the wobbly carts to me. The strongest thing I drink is iced tea, but steering the crazy cart up and down the aisles makes me look like I’ve been on a week long bender. A great way to start the morning, let me tell you.
2. The one thing I’m looking for is not on the shelf. A.) It is now a discontinued product and will no longer be available. or B.) I got there too late and some other mom scarfed up all goods and left nary a crumb for anyone else. At the time I was thinking ugly thoughts. I will not type them for all to see.
3. I had to go through 5 egg cartons before I found one that didn’t have damaged eggs. Ugh. If an egg can go through all the trauma of being laid by a chicken…..can’t we get them into a box and shipped without cracking about a million of them? Just saying. I have cracked egg frustration.
4. Little old ladies that talk on their cell phone…LOUDLY. I realize that she probably spoke loudly because she couldn’t hear herself…..but, the rest of the store could. Plus, every time she replied to the person on the other end of the conversation, she stopped her cart. I almost ran her down. Not intentionally.
5. Meat is expensive. My family likes meat. They have membership cards to carnivores of America. They know the difference between real meat and fake meat. I’ve already tried that.
6. I got all the way through the store and realized that I had forgotten something. Because I didn’t make a list this time. Because I was tired and didn’t feel like it. Now, I pay the price! Oh well, I didn’t need it that bad.That’s my story anyway.
7. There is a man in front of me with 50 bazillion items and there are no other cashiers available, so I sigh and get in line.
8. There is a woman behind me with two items and I let her go in front of me because if I don’t I’ll feel guilty. She said, “thank you” to me. I smile, but I’m really thinking, “I hate you because you only have two things to buy”. Okay, I didn’t really hate her. I was just jealous. Plus, I was sweating from all the steering of the cart and schlepping meat products into those plastic bags. It’s hard work, people.
9. The grocery store parking lot has a trillion parking places, most of which were empty at this time of the day. You’d think that no one would feel the need to park smack dab next to my van. Well, you would be wrong! As I came outside and pushed my cart to the van I notice a car parked on the side of my van that has the sliding door. The door I need to open and get the cart next to so I can unload my groceries. I begin to talk to myself (and to anyone within earshot)……Who parks a car that close to a van when there are a ton of other parking spots?????!!!!!! I am forced to squeeze the cart in between the van and car. Just as I am situated and attempting to unload, a woman and her teen daughter emerge from the store. She laughed, “Oh, sorry. I guess I parked a little close.” I gave her the death glare. She deserved it.
10. After returning the cart to the store, I jumped in the van and circled around to the entrance of the parking lot….at which point I heard several thuds and realized that my canned food was now rolling around on the van floor……Big sigh. I’ll have the kids help me unpack when I get to the house. They can crawl around on the floor looking for the canned peas.