Life Is Not Fair

 

I’ve been dealing with some things lately.                                                                         Rusted-apya-007

Hard things.

Anger and resentment are deep.

The feelings hurt and my heart is hardened. Apathy strangles.

 

Life is not fair sometimes. Life is not fair most of the time.

I see each brick. I’ve memorized them. They build a wall.

My heart is so wrapped in bitterness that I have forgotten.

Forgotten what grace is…

I needed to read again, what I had written before.

I had to be reminded about grace…

His amazing grace to me, and how I need to extend grace to others.

Grace is needed the most, when it is deserved the least.

******************************************************************************************

Saved By His Amazing Grace


“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound

 

That saved a wretch like me.

 

I once was lost, but now am found

 

Was blind, but now I see……..”

 

Webster’s tells us that grace is an act of favor, kindness, or mercy. Grace is given to those that deserve it the least. It is given to those that could never pay the price for it…because it costs too much. More than I could ever afford or even begin to be able to pay back. Grace is a gift.

 

Years ago, when my story first began……I was spiritually dead. My heart was as dark as the sin that it held. My desire to please myself was great. It was all about me. If I had not met Jesus along the way, the road that I was on, most certainly would have  taken me to Hell. Yes, Hell. I thank God for His amazing grace. A grace that I did not deserve. A grace that I did not earn. A gift that He offered me. Thank God, I accepted the gift.

 

Some people don’t believe in Hell. They think it is just a metaphor for badness, or sadness. A philosophical place, so to speak. Not a real place. Other’s think that Hell is a place that is going to be one raucous party and that all their friends will be there, participating in all the other worldly vices. Sadly, that is what Lucifer would have them believe–that it isn’t all that bad, come join the party. Who needs the Lord? Who needs self sacrifice? Who needs the Bible? That isn’t any fun. It is too constricting. Do what you want, when you want, how you want.  After all this life is all about you!! Satan’s lies echo in the ears of those that live for their own self gratification.  Empty lies that claim to offer the world…but, instead lead to death.

 

Hell is real. It is a place.  I believe the saddest and most painful part of it, for those who find themselves there, is the isolation. What makes Hell, hell is that God is not there. There is no love, no compassion, no forgiveness, no hope, no joy, no friendship, no fairness, no understanding…..no more grace. These things are not there…because the God who possesses these qualities is not there. That is what Hell will be. I think there will be people in Hell that will have a deep and profound sadness because they will know that their eternity didn’t have to end up this way. It was their choice. They chose this for themselves. When people tried to tell them about God, they scoffed at them…calling them crazy, or weird, or other harsh names. When they were invited to attend church, they laughed that a church is the last place they’d ever go! When God quietly knocked at the door of their heart, they slammed it in His face. Denying their need for Him. Apathy sets in. Hearts harden. Minds are set. And days slip by.

 

I was a sinner in need of a Savior.  I’m grateful I realized this at a fairly young age. It saved me a lot of grief. Don’t misunderstand me. I am not claiming perfection. Lord knows, and so do a lot of other people, that I went through some bad times in my life. Sometimes I’d wonder to myself how I allowed this to happen? What was I thinking? This stuff hurts! What a mess I made. Stupid decisions. The pain at times, was great. In the midst of all this I knew that Christ was still there. He never left me. I was His child. I had accepted His gift of grace and salvation years earlier….and I was His. Much like a parent looks at his/her wayward child and their heart breaks, God looked at me. He didn’t leave me there in the slime and dirt of my own life….bogged down in the morass of my own decisions. He brought me out of that. He set me on a rock. Sturdy. Secure. Strong.

 

My story is not one of all rainbows and roses. Life is gritty…..and we are all human. We make mistakes. We makes reckless decisions. We have regret. In the midst of all this, Jesus is there. Regardless of what you’ve done, or not done in your own life, He loves you.  He wants to give you the gift of His amazing grace. Will you accept it?

One Of Those Days

Do you ever have days when you wake up and you believe it is going to be a good day…and it turns out it isn’t? Today is one of those days for me. The kind of day where all the little nerve wracking things just add up to one big pain? I wanted to write my Multitudes on Mondays post this morning, I really did. Then life happened and I wasn’t feeling very thankful. To be completely honest, I was irritated (and rightly so) but, it put a damper on things. Once I had let myself go there……it was all over……like a downhill slide on a sled with greased runners.

I’m not feeling thankful. There I said it. I actually feel guilty for saying that. I guess it is just my day to be human, be real, be imperfect, me.

Okay, I am thankful about one thing. I’m thankful that God loves me, even when I feel unlovable. On days when my mood is darker than the storm clouds rolling in, He is there. He doesn’t leave me, even when I’m frustrated, irritated, and wishing I was sedated!

There is tomorrow.

2 Timothy 1:7  for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Monday

Monday (Photo credit: Eric M Martin)

 

Hiking The Canyon

Grand Canyon, from South Rim near Visitor Center

Image via Wikipedia

Today, Ann Voskamp  has us posting about being Christ-centric in her Walk With Him Wednesdays.

Ouch.

How do OTHERS see Jesus in me? DO they see Jesus in me?

My hope is that they do but…

I’m not perfect. I don’t always have the words to say. I lose my temper. I want my own way. I wish things were different. I complain. Not very Jesus-like, huh?

Words like FAILURE, MISTAKE, and UNWORTHY come to mind. I wear them around my neck, like ID tags. Don’t you recognize me? I’m the one that is unworthy to bear the name of Christ. The woman that stumbles under the weight of her own perceptions.

How many times have I used the excuse that I am having a “bad day” to gripe at my husband, snip at my kids, or yell at the dog? I begrudgingly vacuum the rugs, clean the toilets, wash the clothes and fix the evening meal. I clean messes that I didn’t make, say things I didn’t mean, and make it my mission, on certain days, to not be joyful.  Thoughts run through my mind like a broken tape recorder.  On some days I feel the bitterness creep in… don’t I deserve more than this?

The fissure in a soul can break wide open and leave a canyon between what is known and what is done.

Be more like Christ…   “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32 NAS

Just as Christ has forgiven me. The words echo deep in the canyon… bouncing off the walls of my heart. Forgive them.

Be more like Christ…  “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”  Philippians 4:8  NAS

Dwell on these things. Even the deepness of a canyon can be beautiful, when the sun shines on rough rock. It is difficult to complain if I am concentrating on lovely things. I can make that choice.

Be more like Christ…  “The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. Psalm 145:8  ESV

Showing grace and mercy, the anger drains from me. Let it go!  Anger and bitterness kill the spirit of the one that holds on to them, and I can die from thirst if I can’t find my way off the canyon floor, to the life giving water.

Being more Christ like is not easy…but, Jesus Himself said it would be worth it. So, I continue hiking out of the canyon.

Letting Go Of Expectations

Great Expectations (1999 film)

Image via Wikipedia

Have you ever read something and realized it was YOU the writer was talking about? Okay, well maybe not really you, but it may as well have been. The words hit so close to home that you look over your shoulder to see if anyone is watching you, as you read…

I’ve finished One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I’m reading it again. It’s that good. On pages 168-169, Ann discusses “expectations”. During book club it was discussed that expectations are premeditated resentments.

Ouch.

How many times have I let my expectations, ruin the moment? How many times have I expected something, only to see that others can’t meet that bar? How many times have I expected perfection in the moment, only to be sorely disappointed? I struggle with the way I think things “should be”. When things don’t turn out the way I had hoped, I am left frazzled, irritated, and resentful.

Resentment. I know it well. I wish I didn’t.

That insidious word, feeling, has stolen my joy on numerous occasions.

It builds up inside of me, until it blinds me to all else. I can no longer see the joy of the moment because resentment has me standing in darkness.

I bite the words as they come out of my mouth. Hard and bitter.

I need to let the expectations go.

Do I want to enjoy the moment that God gave me, or do I want to “be right”?

“Expectations, kill relationships”, Ann surmises. I tend to agree.

I’m a work in progress.

Joy is in the moment.

I’m learning to “let go” so I can enjoy the moments God has given me. The lessons are not simple, nor easy.

All of life is learning.

It’s hard to stay resentful… if I’m giving thanks. The two don’t mix well. I will continue with eucharisteo.

Amen.

We are discussing “letting go” this week at A Holy Experience. If you would like to read more, click on my Walk With Him Wednesdays graphic on my right side bar.

So Many Times, I Am A Brick

Pile of bricks.

Image via Wikipedia

If you noticed my post from yesterday, you saw that I was frustrated and angry over losing my hard work. I was not enjoying my lap top. At all.

I look back at the incident and have to laugh. My post from yesterday was going to be on perspective. Isn’t that funny? I thought I could write something worthwhile on perspective, and when I lost my post to cyberspace… I lost my temper. Not a very good perspective, huh?

I have a feeling I am not the only one that has those type of moments.

I wish I had it all together. Oh, how I wish! But…I don’t. I admit it.

I am trying to work on perspective. Two steps forward and one step back. That is the way it always seems to work out. Life is all about the lessons, isn’t it? What does God want me to learn today? Am I malleable in the Potter’s hand? Or am I stubborn and hard like a brick? Can he gently smooth  my rough edges, or does He need to hammer away at me, until I soften?

Sigh. So many times I am a brick.

I am so grateful that God is patient with me. He is compassionate to me and forgives me, my human frailties.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new EVERY morning; great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23