Learning To Be Comfortable With Myself

I recently read a quote by Matt Haig that has stuck with me.

“To be calm becomes a kind of revolutionary act. To be happy with your own non-upgraded existence. To be comfortable with our messy human selves……”

This quote came from a post about how society works hard to make us feel less than, so we will buy more, want more, try more, expect more—because we mistakenly think those things will make us be more. What a lie, straight from the pit of Hell.

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I am coming up on the big 5-0 birthday in May. I am more “fluffy” than I was in my 20’s. I am beginning to get the smallest little crinkles around my eyes, and my hands are starting to resemble my mother’s. Some days my grown kids get on my nerves and my frustration leaks out. I stress myself with deadlines, and timelines and not enough free time. I am not perfect, at all…not even a little bit…but, I am okay with that.

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I don’t know if it is because I am running headlong toward my fiftieth birthday, and I feel by this point in my life I am more comfortable with my decisions, I’m fairly comfortable with myself, and I am relatively happy. Or whether I have become wise to how discontent happens, and I make the extra effort to not allow that to happen to me. Of course, I am not happy all the time and certainly not every day…but I am content the majority of the time.

Something else I have figured out over time is that my mistakes, my less than glorious messes, my pains, and my flaws are often what draw others to me. Not because people want to wallow in mistakes, but more like it encourages them and they know that they are not alone in wading through this life one day at a time. C.S. Lewis reminds me of this with his words.

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What? You too? I thought I was the only one…”

Today I am content with: 

  1. Dining room furniture that has served us well, even though it now has scratches and chipped paint and the wood top needs to be refinished.
  2. Dust…..it is everywhere. House will never look like Better Homes and Gardens. Oh, well.
  3. Pet fur….it is also everywhere. I love my animals.
  4. A bed that wasn’t made, but is still so comfy. A place I can snuggle with my husband at the end of long days.
  5. Trash that needs to be taken out…..because we have so much.
  6. Stuff that should be thrown out of the fridge because it is starting to look funky. Needless waste! I have never gone hungry.
  7. Bad hair days. I have learned to embrace my cowlicks.
  8. A scale that weighs me, but doesn’t show my true value.
  9. A stack of books that I will one day read. I will. I know I will.
  10. Mistakes I’ve made. Too. Many. To. Count. Tomorrow is a new day. A “re-do”.
  11. Words were spoken out loud that shouldn’t have been. Why did I say that? Ask forgiveness.
  12. Tears shed. I have found that I cry a lot more than I used to. Sometimes sad tears, but a lot of times happy tears. I hope my heart is always tender.
  13. Eyes that squint when I smile. They are happy wrinkles that show the map of my life.
  14. A yard that looks like a bomb dropped on it. The bomb is in the form of a friendly, furry, collie mix that loves to dig and rip up plants by the roots and trot around the yard with the root ball still hanging out of his mouth like it is the first place prize. I am at peace with never having pretty flower beds.
  15. I like to be comfortable. Yes, I can dress up, but I find myself caring less and less about being fashion forward and more and more about eternal beauty.
  16. It is okay to say no to things. I need to do it more often.
  17. Sometimes it is fine to do nothing, as a matter of fact, it is necessary.
  18. Loving my husband. The one that will be there for me, after everyone else is grown and gone.
  19. I’m okay with reused and recycled. I like things that have a history.
  20. Relationships with family and friends…..the faces of the ones I love fill me until my heart overflows. Priceless.

 

 

 

 

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