The Silent Killer



I am a first born who is organized, sure I am right, and sometimes bossy. I tend to be a perfectionist (more with myself, than with others). In some ways that tendency has helped me as I continue to strive to do my very best. Other times, it eats away at me. Silent and deadly. The details always get me, I want everything to be orderly, to be on the list so I can check it off, and no surprises! When I have too much going on, too many things to keep straight, my to do list does not have as many checks as I’d like, or if something goes wrong……I become frustrated and tense.

I currently have a lot of “balls in the air” right now. That is just life. You’d think being in my late 40’s life would be a little less hectic, but that is not the case….at least not for me. I won’t go into the up’s and down’s of my life, I know you’d understand, you probably have the same things going on in your own lives. Maybe not exactly the same, but close enough!

The other day as I was roaming around the kitchen with a million things on my mind, I read something from one of my devotion calendars. The author talked about being still, trusting God, remembering He is in control. I stopped. I took a deep breath. I exhaled.

Breathing. That is not something I am in control of. Not really. I do it, but I don’t think about it. It is not on my to list each morning. I don’t think to myself, “Dawn, make sure you remember to squeeze breathing into your schedule today.” God doesn’t forget. He knows every breath that I take. He knows every hair on my head. He knows (knew) each of my days before even one of them came to be.

I breathed again. Slower this time. I concentrated on my deliberate inhaling and exhaling. Just as I trust God for my very being…..shouldn’t I trust Him for all the minutes in my days?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV








One thought on “The Silent Killer

  1. Good thoughts! Yes, I too can get a lot of things going at once, even though I’d prefer not to, and then begin to feel out of control or as I’m more prone to think of it, overwhelmed. Definitely do not like that feeling! This is where I was heading the past few months and the other day I did something similar to what you did: self-talked while talking to God and sort of spiritually took myself in hand! When I intentionally gave it all to God (not just in panic prayers shot up to the ceiling), I began to rest (or as you put it, breathe). I can rest because I know I can trust the One to whom I pray and commit my way. Thank God! And thank you for sharing these helpful thoughts.

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