The pregnancy test was positive. I stared at the stick for a full minute. Blinked. Looked at it again. Yes, it still read positive. I had never been so excited in all my life. I was going to be a mom! The months leading up to his birth were good ones. I started a journal for him, before he even made his appearance. He was my son even before I knew his face. My first born. My only born. My dear, sweet child.
The years passed, and he grew from a baby, to a toddler, to a preschooler, to school age. Each year brought new and exciting changes. I felt blessed in motherhood. This little boy taught me so much about life, and love. Lessons that only come from the hard work and grit of being a parent. When you are “in the trenches” of mommy hood, your perspective changes.
He was four when his daddy was diagnosed with a terminal heart condition. The whole year after he turned four, he stayed home with his daddy. They hung out, they played, they made memories. A year can seem like a long wait, or a painfully short time when you know a good-bye is looming on the horizon.
Kindergarten started in the fall of 2000. Our bright faced, cute as a button, little guy was stepping out into his academic life. He loved, and continues to love, people. It is just his personality, he makes friends wherever he goes. I consider that a gift from God. Only two and a half months into this new chapter of his young life, his father passed away. It is hard to lose a parent at any time, but at such a young age it is difficult to process. That chilly November day was both the beginning and the end of a way of life for us all.
It was just my son and me. We were close, we had each other. I watched him grow, and learn and enjoy life. I saw him in moods, grumping around the house. We had our good days and our bad days as any family does.
Five years passed and I remarried to a wonderful man, who loves me and loves my son. More life changes….home schooling, moving out of state, meeting new people, making new friends, learning and working hard. I watched him grow and mature, often times, well beyond his years. His relationship with the Lord grew stronger. He is no longer my little boy, but now a young man. He has done many things in his young life, that I am proud of. My heart knows what it is to love beyond mere words.
Tomorrow I will drive away, and leave him. He is opening his life up to a new chapter. While away at college, he will grow and learn in his own way, on his own time. He will laugh, and love, and learn how to persevere. He will see the good, the bad, and the ugly. He will be proud of himself, and maybe sometimes feel like a failure. All these things will shape him for his journey. It is going to be difficult for this mama, not because I want to keep him with me forever, I don’t. It is just that good-byes are always hard. They just are.
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6 NIV