Archive | 3:59 pm

Fighting My Own Will

28 Mar

Sasebo, Japan (Dec 18, 2003) -- Sailors practi...

The day went from bad to worse.

I woke up achy. Not sick achy, just yuck achy. I was already tired and I had only been up a few minutes. The cat had puked and I almost stepped in it on the way to the kitchen. I was short with my son, blurted angry words, and it caused hard feelings. The rest of the day went downhill from there…and I’d only been up for 15 minutes.

I was frustrated, angry, and resentful….and in my defense there are some very real issues that need addressing….but, my attitude certainly was not helpful.

At all.

Big, huge, huffing, SIGH.

I knew that today I’d be writing on sacrifice. Oh, great. Just what I needed.

Sacrifice….the last thing I wanted to write about, and the thing I needed to write most about.

It’s difficult, the stepping back. The letting go. The not having everything perfect.

I so badly want the “perfect”.

It is a struggle to say, “Okay, it’s not the way I want it, or the way it should be, but….I’m not the one in control.”

God is.

His, was the greatest of sacrifice. A sacrifice that makes anything I might or might not do, seem almost irrelevant.

It isn’t though, not really….not to Him.

God sees and knows my sacrifice. He sees me struggle to die to self. He understands my hand to hand combat in the fight against my own will.

Sacrifice isn’t easy.

It never is.

But, it is necessary.

Because, it is through our sacrifice and struggles that we become more like Him…..and that makes it all worth while.

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