Facing The Fear

Storm Clouds June 17th - 1

The day starts as any other.

The routine is comfortable.

I know what to expect.

Knowing what to expect…that is important to me.

I cannot control everything. I try. I fail.

And it scares me.


I stood in the living room, vacuuming the carpet….back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.

My husband was dying. He wasn’t going to live to be an old man.

My son’s father would not be there to see him grow up.

My soul gripped tight. Knuckles white with the fear of it.

Control slipped through my fingers like water through a sieve.

I was exhausted.


I hung up the phone after hearing the words….

“Your father is dead.”

The details didn’t matter.

My heart was heavy.

As much as I wanted control, it wasn’t mine to have.


Fear and Faith.

I am not too proud to admit that I struggle. Even still…

I long for security and control. Sometimes I try and grip it too tightly…until it hurts.

Even though I continue on with my life, there is that dark thought that tries to live within me.

The question, “What if?” What if something happens to my now husband?  What if something happens to my children? What if my family members are hurt?

Living in that question… always brings fear.

When the dark fear of  loss wells up in me, when I’m unable to voice what sometimes grips my heart…

I am reminded of the One, the only one, who can calm my soul, and bind the fear when it threatens to overwhelm.

Faith takes the place of fear.

Faith in Him who casts out all fear.


For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7  NIV

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. (Psalm 145: 18-19)

These words are a balm to a tired spirit. He gives rest to me…

and His grip on me is far stronger than any fear I might have.

Thank you, Jesus.