I worked, out in the flower bed yesterday. I pulled weeds. Lots and lots of weeds. The flower bed had been neglected. Opps.
1. Some people say working in a garden is actually fun.
2. I wonder about those kind of people.
3. I hate pulling weeds.
4. Hate is not too strong a word.
5. I woke up this morning with aching thighs and a sore lower back.
6. That’s what I get for squatting and bending over.
7. For more than 2 seconds.
9. Anyway, as I was pulling weeds I noticed the webs.
10. Lots and lots of webs.
11. Sticky tunnels of spider web goo.
12. There is no love loss between me an spiders.
13. I hate them.
14. I don’t even like Spiderman.
15. Fighting crime? So what. He’s part spider. Yuck.
16. Funnel web weavers are fast.
17. That is the fancy names for spiders that run out of their tunnels of web.
18. Right at you.
19. While you’re weeding.
20. And cause you to scream.
21. And jump.
22. And scream some more.
23. I need a shovel.
24. A big one.
25. To smash the ever lovin’ guts out of the spiders.
26. I am learning to overcome my fear of spiders.
27. As long as I have something big to smash them with.
28. Especially, something with a long handle that I can smash them with, from a distance.
29. So, after the weeding, near death (from a major conniption fit) experience…
30. I went inside.
31. Took my gloves off and sat down at my computer.
32. I looked up spiders on the internet.
33. The kind we have are funnel weavers. They mostly stay outside in the grass.
34. That does nothing to assuage my fear.
35. Note to self: Don’t go outside in the yard bare foot.
36. The spider site told me that MALE funnel weavers like to go inside when the weather turns cold.
37. Figures it’s the males.
38. I am a warrior.
39. They will die.
40. Part of me feels a little bad…..Okay, maybe not.
41. They are ones who desire to enter enemy territory.
42. It’s not like I want them as a pet. Or a family mascot.
43. I’ve noticed a lot of little spiders around lately.
43. I read somewhere that spiders don’t care for citrus.
44. I might bomb my entire house.
45. With oranges.
46. Just sayin’.
47. In the meantime, any weeding will be done in “full gear”.
48. Gloves. Long pants.
49. AND A BIG SHOVEL.
50. A girl can never be too prepared.
- Spider sparks toilet explosion (thesun.co.uk)
- House spiders: Should you be worried? (seattlepi.com)
- Denise conquers spider fears (mirror.co.uk)
- Creepy crawlies: Amazing Scanning Electron Microscope pictures of insects and spiders (telegraph.co.uk)