Okay, people. I am normally not a violent person. Notice I said normally. This time every year we get what amounts to a gnat invasion. They are everywhere and get into everything. They are driving me nutso. They are, of course, worse in the kitchen, but are leaking out into other parts of my humble abode. I want to kill them with a white hot passion. Now, that is saying something. They are little and they are fast….but, fortunately for me they are not all fast. I have zapped about a trillion of them with the electrified bug zapper. Yes, as I mentioned last year at this time….I am like Luke Skywalker with the light saber. My motto is whatever works…and works FAST.
How desperate is it that I sit in wait…watching quietly for their little bodies to settle on something…before BLAM, I smack them down. Then I manically laugh as I sweep up their gnatty, dead little carcasses. I’m seriously losing it. It’s me against the gnats. My husband set out a bowl with dish detergent in it. The more stupid gnats in the group investigate and their wings get coated in detergent…and well that is the end. No tears here.
As far as I am concerned it is full out war. I am planning my strategy right now. I’m thinking I will find a nasty leftover from the fridge. Something gross. Something soggy and yucky. They would like that. Then when a bunch of them have settled on the yucky food…I will jump out with my trusty zapper and pounce on them and electrocute them before they even have a chance for withdraw. Don’t cry for the gnats. THEY are the invaders. They get what they deserve.
Even though gnats probably have a brain the size of a speck of dust, some of them are very stealthy. They see me coming and congregate on the ceiling of the kitchen. My nine foot ceiling. The ceiling I can not reach–even with the zapper. I stand in the middle of my kitchen yelling vicious war words at my ceiling… pledging to drive back their forces. They will eventually pull out after about a month, having sustained serious loss of life….they go to wherever gnats go when it gets cold. They will plot for next year. So will I! I hate gnats.