All of you that love summer will just have to deal with this post. Sorry, but I’m hot and when I’m hot I’m liable to say anything. So just be forewarned. I’ve got stuff to get off my chest. About these stinkin’ hot summer days.
TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT SUMMER
1. They are called the “dog days of summer” because people sweat all the time and thus they smell like dogs. At least that is what I think. I don’t care what the real reason is.
2. I seriously, seriously hate flies. They are much more predominant in the summer and they get all in your business. In your face, on your food, especially if you are trying to grill out. I especially hate the wood flies. They bite. I will not give you the gory details of the red splotches I have all over me due to those mean little suckers.
3. I’ve mentioned before that humidity is not my friend. Nor is it my hair’s friend. I spend most of the summer months looking like a drowned rat because I am “moist” and my hair is limp. Not my most appealing look. If I wanted to live in the Amazon I would have moved to South America.
4. If I forget to water my plants they keel over. Really fast. They look all dehydrated and dead and stuff. Sheesh. Summer sucks the life out of everything. Summer is so mean.
5. I eventually tan, but the sun is not my friend for the most part. I mean don’t get me wrong, I like the sun for the fact that it gives life to our planet, well that and the whole oxygen thing….. Maybe my nice tan age spots that are showing up since I hit 42, will all just meld together and I’ll have a tan look without the sun.
6. Being outside in the heat just zaps the energy out of me. I’m like a dead battery. If outside for too long in this heat, my family might find me laying face up in the side yard where I passed out from heat exhaustion. The only thing sustaining my life would be the fact that I am being covered with dog drool as the two dogs lean over my shriveled up, dehydrated body.
7. Summer requires wearing less clothes because of the blazing heat. Considering I no longer look like I did when I was 21, shorts or tank tops are no longer an option. That makes me sad. Then that reminds me I am no longer 21. Then that makes me sad. It is a vicious cycle.
8. Ohio is humid and sticky, but it is nothing compared to the summer of 2007 in Greenville, Texas. Lord, have mercy on my soul. I thought for sure I had died and gone to Hell. (nothing personal to all my lovely family that lives there) I realized I was in the Devil’s oven when I walked out of Walmart only to be assaulted by heat so great that it made my feet start to melt on the parking lot. I’m not lying. Really.
9. Summer is for the young. Once you are out of school, who cares about summer? Beach resorts are all over crowded, convertibles are a pain because your hair gets all wind blown, there are no more groups like the Beach Boys, and did I mention the sweaty, stinky people?
10. To be completely honest, summer is only good for the yummy produce that is in season, and it makes people more thankful. For the air conditioning. Amen.