As Seen On TV

I was at  Wal-Mart the other day, which in and of itself is no big story. I go to Wal-Mart usually a couple of times a week because it just works out that way. Or I need toilet paper. Or deodorant. Or something else that could possibly be life altering. Like Hershey’s hot fudge. Anyway, I digress…..

So, as I was cruising the front aisle I noticed the shelf with the AS SEEN ON TV stuff on it. As I’m perusing the need for a Bump It for my flat hair, one of those Shakey things that is supposed to firm up arm flab, or the sticky pads that promise to remove all body hair without pain, I had an epiphany. Now, you might be thinking that one can not have an epiphany in the Wal-Mart in the AS SEEN ON TV aisle. Just goes to show what you know. I did. So there.

Now I consider myself  an intelligent individual, at least on most days, and especially after I’ve had some caffeine. My epiphany is that I could invent the next AS SEEN ON TV item. For cryin’ out loud! If someone is willing to fork money over for a Bump It than they will buy anything. Just sayin’. Now, I just need to come up with a new idea….or at least a better version of an old idea. Or something that just looks cool….because people buy cool stuff even if the stuff doesn’t work. Because it is, well, cool, after all.

I’m mulling over some ideas. They’re big. I see info-commercials in my future.

My first idea is the Fridge Zapper. This would be marketed to those people who are trying to diet and just need that extra jolt (literally) of determination to stay away from the fridge. This could also be used for pesky teenagers who stand at the refrigerator with the door hanging open and stare at the contents only to decide they’re really not that hungry for anything in there, but have managed to hike up the electric bill–allowing the cold air to escape– while doing so. The Fridge Zapper could be set to give a friendly, non lethal, jolt to anyone who tries to get in the fridge without permission. I’m not really sure what I’d need to get this patented, and I might have some problems with test cases and possible electrocution. Details.Details.

The other idea I like to call Glitz and Glam Glitter. This would be marketed to tween girls. We all know that tween girls will try anything… they love pretty, shiny things AND they will get their parents to buy it. What makes my invention so unique is, that this glitter can go on everything AND it will also be edible. Because you know we all need a little edible glitter. (it’s so much better than the paste you ate in kindergarten!) One could put glitter on her clothes, her hair, or her peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Who wouldn’t love that? I might get held up a little with the FDA, but I’m sure we can come to a mutual understanding. After all they put chemicals in everything now as it is. Twenty years from now we’re all going to have a third eye or an extra appendage because of the chemicals we eat. At least we could sprinkle glitter on stuff and make it look cool in the meantime. Work with me people.

Yeah, I’m thinking this AS SEEN ON TV gig is right up my alley. The fame, the fortune, the late night TV commercials. Maybe even my own spokesperson like the late Billy Mays (R.I.P). This is so exciting! I’ve got to go…I’ve got a lot of work to do. Hey, what do you all think of a rhinestone toenail clipper?