Wish I Could Burn The Candle On Both Ends

I bought a candle at Walmart the other day. It’s one of those triple layer candles. Mine is lovely layers of hazelnut cream, fresh baked muffins, and chocolate pound cake. Why do I do this to myself?!  Seriously. I’m all the time buying things that smell edible. Like, yummy edible. Like, I would eat it if I could edible. The other day I was cleaning out my purse and came across my chocolate milk hand and body lotion by Philosophy. Oh my goodness! After applying some of that lotion I had the urge to lick my arm. That would have went over real well with the people at Walmart. Yes, I can be a little weird, okay maybe a  lot weird…but, even I was not going to lick my arm. Not in public anyway. Not where there are security cameras.  Whatever, people.  Don’t judge me. My hair conditioner has citrus in it, as does my face wash. I feel as if I am picking oranges in the grove. I have lip gloss that tastes like cotton candy and another that tastes like birthday cake. I kid you not. It really does. Really. I wouldn’t lie about birthday cake flavored lip gloss. Some things are sacred.

So, I think I have a food flavored personal hygiene products addiction. (Otherwise known as FFPHPA) I might require an intervention. I might need to be stripped of all my bath and body items that even slightly resemble food. Heaven forbid, I might have to resort to NON-SCENTED products. I would be devastated. There would be a lot of gnashing of teeth and rending of garments. Rehab would be a slow, painful process. I’d probably relapse. My friends would find me making ventures to the mall. Sneaking into Bath and Body Works…coming out with items in a plain brown paper bag. My family might catch me online, furiously trying to put Philosophy chocolate and strawberry shampoo into my cart.

Having FFPHPA is a life long struggle. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to break this habit. Don’t worry about me. It’s not the end of the world. Just don’t look at me funny if you see me licking my arm.