Rambo Ain’t Got Nuthin’ On Me

It had been a long week packed with activities and by last night I was exhausted. I looked forward to getting to sleep in a little later then usual this morning. It was not to be. My feathered foe was back. At 7am this morning he started pecking away at the downspout. I woke to a sound that resembled a metallic Uzi. I shoved the pillow over my head willing the bird to stop his noise. I felt like the man in Edgar Allen Poe’s THE TELL TALE HEART. The sound of the beating heart drove the man in the story mad. The sound I was dealing with was a beak on metal and it was driving me just as nuts.
After several minutes of this I started to snap. I threw my bed covers back and sat straight up in bed. That’s it! I’ve had it! I stomped into the bathroom and looked out the small window to see if I could get a visual on my enemy. I didn’t see him from my angle, but I knew he was lurking just outside my line of vision. Now, most of the time I think of myself as your typical girl….you know sugar and spice (with a kick of cayenne!) and everything nice. BUT not this morning. This morning I was having Rambo-esque thoughts. I was considering grabbing my son’s air soft gun, slinging ammo over my shoulder and marching out onto the back deck in a blaze of glory. Now, I apologize to the faithful members of the Audubon society, but with that said I still wanted to nail my feathery little friend and bury his body in the flower bed.
To drive me even battier was the fact that my back yard/woods was full of birds this morning. Lots of twitters, chirps and warbles were going on. I think it might be a conspiracy amongst the feathered flock. I’ll keep you posted on what happens…..or maybe you’ll see me on the evening news. “Soccer Mom Goes On Wild Rampage. She Was Found Walking Around Her Backyard Mumbling Something About Woodpeckers. She Was Suspiciously Covered With What Appeared To Be Feathers.”

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