Forgiveness. It is a difficult word and an even more difficult thing to accomplish. Jesus knew this. He expects me to forgive…even when it is hard. Even when I’ve been the one wronged. Even when what happened is not my fault and the other person is not really deserving of my forgiveness. Sometimes forgiveness hurts. It can be painful, because it dredges up stuff that I’d rather not think about. Jesus knows this about me. Sometimes forgiving makes me mad…because I don’t want to forgive like I should. Forgiveness is not easy. Forgiveness is not a passive act. Forgiveness is hard work. Jesus knew this. I’ve been a Christian for 28 years. One would think that this whole learning how to forgive thing would become easier as time goes on. But it doesn’t seem so, at least not for me. It is still a struggle. I still need to be humbled. Jesus knew I would.
Sometimes I cry and scream inside, “but it’s not fair! I didn’t do anything wrong! My feelings are legitimate! It’s their fault, not mine. I’m hurt. I’m frustrated. I’m mad. Why do I have to be the one to forgive? The forgiveness is not deserved!!” And God is His infinite wisdom speaks to my hardened heart…. “You are right Dawn forgiveness is not usually deserved. Forgiveness is a choice. It is what I ask of you. You can choose to forgive even when it hurts…..” Jesus knew this…..as He hung on the cross and humbly cried out, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”
How many times has the Lord had to forgive me? I am so undeserving, and yet His love never fails.