Tag Archives: Journal

Written In My Own Hand

15 Mar
Pen & Journal

Image by Bob AuBuchon via Flickr

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. ~ William Wordsworth

The leather bound book feels smooth in my hands. I open it to the page, after my last entry. The white emptiness awaits my pen.

I’ve kept journals my entire life. For me, there is something therapeutic  about putting feelings, thoughts, experiences down on paper. I like to express myself with words on the page. I’ve had people say to me that they could never keep a journal….because they would be afraid that someone would read their journals, or family would read them after he/she is gone.  My thought is, read them! READ THEM. I hope my family reads all my boxes of  journals. I think they will see that I was a real person, with real issues, joys and sorrows. I had dreams and I tasted grief. I was sometimes goofy and yet a deep thinker.

*In eighth grade I wrote poetry and doodled hearts in the margins of my journal. I practiced different styles of handwriting to see which one was the most beautiful. I wrote of the seasons and time.

*In college I wrote letters to my boyfriend. I’m reminded of some of the deep issues we discussed on paper. (yes, the 80’s were still pre-personal PC days)  I could hold my own in a debate.

*As a college graduate I wrote about my search for a job and my desire to teach. Once I landed my first job, I wrote about my days as a teacher, and my students that made it all worth while.

*I wrote as a newlywed, learning how to share my life with another.

*I began to write a journal to my son when I was only five months pregnant with him. I wanted him to know that he was loved from before he was even born.

*I wrote a journal of grief, for the whole year after my first husband died.

*I wrote when I was a single parent. The joys and the heartaches.

*I wrote when I started dating again. Dating in one’s mid 30’s is a lot different than dating in one’s early 20’s. Just sayin’.

*I wrote to my new husband. Of course, my witty banter won him over….along with my amazing email skills and my otherwise complete lack of knowledge of computers. (Giggle)

*I continue to write in my prayer journal. I pour out my heart to the One who knows and understands…my soul bleeding out on each page.

Each day I etch words into time. I write how I am feeling at that moment. The ups and downs of my life. The bubbled up laughter spilling out in joy. The anguish of dreams not met.

I love writing.  I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions.  ~James Michener

 

 

Journaling About Life

16 Feb
Journal Delamétherie

Image via Wikipedia

On Wednesday, June 1, 2005 I wrote this in my journal:

(I am sure I copied this from something but, I’m not sure where I got it from.)

It is much easier to do something than to trust in God; we mistake panic for inspiration.

God’s Spirit continually reveals what human nature is like apart from His grace.

I am a “keeper of the journal”. I always have been. I’m a writer in my heart. I’ve written my thoughts—and when inspired—the thoughts of others in my journals. I think the earliest journals I have are of the secrets of an 11 year old. I smile when I look back at the Dawn of yesteryear. In my adult years my journals have been a great source of peace for me. Many of my journal entries have turned into prayers. They have become my conversations with God. As I look back I realize that God, Himself ,has chosen to talk with me through my journals too. And yes, God does talk through the written Word. He has given us His own journal, of sorts. He tells us about Himself, His character and actions. He tells us how He interacted in this world, and what is to come.  His journal is called the Bible.

Many times in my journal entries I will write down scripture references that pertain to where I am at in my life at that time. I will copy snippets of pastor’s sermons, or something I’ve read in an inspirational book. As I look back through my journals I am acutely aware of how God has chosen to work in my life. It is laid out before me like a map of words.  Even though I will probably never be famous, and my name will never be in lights… I’ll most likely never travel to exotic ports, or invent  the newest electronic gadget, I still have had a good life. Not always an easy life…but a good one.

When reading my “life map” I realize that God was with me when, as a fresh faced, just out of college, young adult, I was searching for a job. Through a course of events, over miles, and across state lines He brought me to a tiny town in the Appalachian mountains to teach. I would have never found this place on my own. God’s hand print was all over it. I wrote in my journal…..” God, You know I want to teach. I believe You want me to teach. Doors to job opportunities, here in my home state, are closing. I’m giving my job situation over to You. I’ll go where ever you want me.”

When I found out that I was pregnant. What joy! I started journaling about it right away. Before my son even took his first breath, before he was fully formed, I took the opportunity to journal to him about how much he was loved. I thanked God and recognized that He knew my son even before I did. ” I knit you together in your mother’s womb….I know all your days before one of them even comes to be.”

Or when at the age of 32 I was forced to walk “through the valley of the shadow of death”. My late husband died just three weeks after his 34th birthday. In my journal I poured out my heart. There were days that all I could do was cry to Him. He replied with, ” I am a Father to the fatherless and a defender of widows.”  If God is my defender….well, that is saying a lot. God gave me opportunities even in widowhood. No, I have to be honest, this wasn’t the road that I had planned for myself. Still, whatever road I found myself on God was already there.  There was peace in that.

I journaled/prayed my way into my new marriage. As I wrote I asked God to please not allow any man to be in my path that was not part of His plan. I didn’t want anything to do with any man that would cause me heartache or pain.   There were nights when I was lonely. There were nights when I wanted to give in. God heard me. I wrote prayers, pouring out my heart to Him. He chose to have me in widowhood for five years before bringing Scott into my life.

Scott and I have been through a lot in our 4 years of marriage. Selling houses, building a new house, home schooling, moving out of state, making new friends, finding a new church, raising three children in a blended family, plus adult children. At times it is stressful. And frustrating.And happy. And crazy.  Sometimes I feel like I spend most of my time running around trying to get things done—-and wondering if I am making any real difference. I recently wrote in my journal: “So many times I feel like Martha. Distracted by all she had to get done. (Luke 10:38-42) Things having to get done because no one else will do it!  Lord, You told Martha that Mary chose what was better–to be with You.   Help me Lord, to get proper perspective.”

I have had people tell me that they could never journal or blog like I do. They’d be scared to “put it out there” for others to read. I know that God has given me a love of words. Sounds weird to think of that as a gift or talent, huh? I hope my journals are read by my children and grandchildren and their children one day. I hope that recording my personal walk will help them to not only understand me better, but more importantly to understand and know the Lord that I have a relationship with. I have many people that read my blog, from countries around the world. I have no idea whose life I am touching with my words…..but, if just one thing I write makes a difference than it is worth it.

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