Thoughts Weigh Heavy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have something on my mind. Thoughts weighing heavy…

All kinds of emotions intersect those thoughts.

Don’t we all have times like these in our lives?

The things life presents don’t always feel like a present.

Wondering what direction to take.

Not sure how the situation will work itself out…

or when…

or if it will work itself out.

Waiting to see…and it is not easy.

It never is, is it? The waiting…I mean.

And so, I struggle.

 

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Faithful Friend

My heart aches this morning.

I really hate death. It just hurts too much.

Yesterday afternoon, our elderly dog, Junior, died. Now, I am not comparing his death to other losses I’ve experienced. The deaths of loved ones are definitely not the same as the death of a pet. But, death still hurts. It always does.

My husband found Junior, laying in the yard. It is as if he had just laid down, the last moments of his life winding down…until he just stopped.

We were just getting ready to leave the house for evening choir and church services, when my husband, from across the yard, answered my question, “Is he dead?” He solemnly nodded as I ran across the yard, tears streaming down my face.

Yes, he was about fourteen and a half years old. Yes, I know he was old, and yes I knew he wouldn’t be with us much longer.

But, none of that mattered. Not at that moment.

I met Junior when I married my husband in 2005. He was about seven years old then. A brindle colored mutt. Maybe some sort of bird dog/boxer mix? He liked to walk with me through the years, even after his aging joints made walking difficult and painful. He always had a lick for everyone and would bark with excitement when the family drove up the driveway. Our collie, Ace, will miss his friend. I’m sure he will be lonely without his buddy.

The last year and a half of Junior’s life was a struggle. I faithfully gave him his glucosimine and chondroitin every day for his arthritic joints, picked him up when the steps to the deck got to be too much, and slowly walked him over to the barn on the coldest of winter days, where he could snuggle in the hay with barn kitty.

Grief is the price one pays for loving someone, or in this case, loving a dear pet.

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Happy Birthday!

It was on this day eighteen years ago that my life changed forever…the day I became a mommy.

I was grateful for this day, because I realized that this day might never have been. My doctor’s words that had echoed in my heart,
“Your auto immune disease might make it difficult for you to even get pregnant.”, were now replaced with the hungry cries of my newborn son.

My perfectly formed, perfectly healthy, little boy. A gift from God.

Thank you, Jesus.

The last eighteen years have gone by far too quickly. Even as I type this post, I see him growing up. My memories are enveloped in each word.

My son is now a young adult. Independent. Making his own decisions.

I am so very proud of him.

But, no matter how old he gets, he will always be my dear child.

And, “I’ll love him, for always….as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KENDRICK!!!

Psalm 139:13-16  For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

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Here Comes Summer!!!

I’m ready for summer to get here. Not the heat, mind you. I don’t do well with the heat. I mean I really don’t…and it is not just the fact that I don’t like to sweat either.Heat. Ick.

There is a lot to like about the approaching summer months. The somewhat slower pace, more flexibility with schedules, laying in the hammock, reading a book, sitting on the front porch, grilling out, fireworks, road trips, staying up late, lightening bugs, ice cream cones, swimming, vacations, and no school.

                                     

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                   

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Dream Big

I recently saw an advertisement for a book that I want to read. The book is about having God -sized dreams. It sounds interesting. The reason I

think so, is because I have dreams…some of which I’ve never dare mentioned aloud. It’s because I am afraid. Afraid that others will think they are silly, or crazy, or well…..too big.

Sigh.

Doesn’t God want us to have big dreams, because He is so big? And because nothing is impossible with God? (Luke 1:37)

Can’t He take the smallest and seemingly insignificant things and turn them into the extraordinary?

Didn’t He say that He would use the weak things of this world to shame the strong? And don’t I often feel weak? And can’t He use me for something great?

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 1 Corinthians 1:27 NIV  

On days when I feel insignificant, overwhelmed, or frustrated, I need to remember. 

I need to remind myself ……“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us”. Ephesian 3: 20 NIV

More than I can ask or imagine.

That is pretty big.

 

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Today I Am Thankful

The day is just beginning…… a bit colder than normal for May 13.

The sun is up, but not really out. Gray clouds blocking some of the light.

Nonetheless, a new day. A new week. A new chapter.

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Today I am thankful for:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The neighbor across the way, whose tractor rumbles into Spring.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Black and white cows in the pasture behind our house.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fresh eggs each day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jazz eating her breakfast.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The wind blowing in…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Llama mama taking a rest near the mailbox.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love taking pictures of the neighbor’s barn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s a good day.

 

 

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Women Are A Tough And Hardy Lot

Grandmothers and Mothers.

Daughters and Sisters.

Aunts and Cousins.

Step moms and Foster moms.

Women, we are a tough and hardy lot. Yes, we are. There is nothing in this world like a mother’s fierce and protective love along side a gentle and nurturing nature. These women live through joy and pain. Proud moments and heartaches. So many things make up a mother.

Mother’s know and understand what it is to scream in pain and joy at the exact same time. When that wet bundle of love is laid on the chest, nothing is ever the same. It can’t be. The heart has changed. That new baby has made it so…

Nursing and staying up late. Strained peas, diapers, and potty training. The first day of kindergarten. Bedtimes and homework. Sports moms and recitals. Holding hands and holding hearts. Advice and wisdom. Yelling and forgiveness. The stink eye and the “you’d better move it!”. Kisses and hugs and I love you’s. Blessings and behaviors. Tears and smiles. Wiggly toes and wiggly bottoms. Hand prints and car keys. First loves and heartbreak. Listening and loving no matter what. The years go by so very quickly.

These women, oh my…..they are something else.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Daddy’s are important, most vital. They are both needed and wanted, and loved, but their roles are different. A mother can try, but she can’t fill a father’s role, not really. Nor can Daddy take the place of Mommy. It just isn’t the same.

This day I celebrate the mom’s. Mom’s you do make a real difference. Don’t forget that.

You gave life, and in turn changed your own life in the process.

 

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Comfort

Stop. Drop. Write for five minutes.

Easy

Five Minute Friday here.

All on one word: Comfort                                                                                        

 

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Both of us in the car, driving on our way back home.

We talked quietly about everything and nothing in particular when a memory triggered  pain from the past.

Remembrances flooded back, tears quietly leaked.

Heart cracked wide open.

He looked over in the evening darkness, and without a word held out his hand.

I grabbed hold.

He spoke volumes to me that night.

Comfort.

 

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Quiet Has Never Sounded So Good

It is half past four in the afternoon. The sunlight is mellowing  into a golden glaze, with only a few short hours left, until twilight. A time when light loosens it grip on the day, as it slides into night. There is something about this time of day that settles me. Most of my busyness is done, by this point. This time, for me, brings questions of what’s for dinner? I don’t mind being in the kitchen. The paint on the walls of my kitchen and dining room is at its most beautiful during this time of the day. I knew when I picked the soft yellow, called Evening Glow, that it would be perfect.

After dinner, I’ll take a walk around the property. I’ll check out my flowers that are budding, feed my chickens a snack of meal worms and watch them scratch the ground in a frenzy. I’ll go talk with Jazz, the horse, and ask her about her day. Although I am not a horse whisperer, I am becoming more fluent in horse.

The evening is a time to decompress from the fast pace of the day. A time to breathe slowly, to admire fully, and dream big. The rush has slowed to a crawl and the quiet has never sounded so good.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”  Psalm 46:10 NIV

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A Life Well Lived

My Day Runner is open on the desk. The days marked off neatly on my calendar.

I’m already thinking ahead.

I am marking and highlighting the important events that will occur over the next several months.

I try to prepare for what lies ahead.

Hours. Days. Weeks. Months = TIME

I consider this…the value of it.

How I use it. How I abuse it. How I appreciate it and how I take it for granted.

We all do those things, don’t we?

We assume that we will always have enough, and that the calendar will always allow us yet another day.

That is the worst sort of cavalier attitude, for without appreciation, time, no matter how much, is wasted.

One of my favorite quotes…….

“Don’t be so busy making a living, that you forget to make a life.”

Because, hasn’t God given us this one wild life, to appreciate? Doesn’t He give us the precious gift of time to enjoy?

Shouldn’t our days be full of Him?

Oh sure, we have to work, there are necessary appointments and mandatory assignments…

But, most of the calendar should be filled with moments of thankfulness. Days of gratitude.

A life well lived.

¹³ Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.” ¹⁴ Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. ¹⁵ Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.”  James 4 –NASB

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