They’re Coming To Take Me Away…

22 Jul
horse fly, Diptera family Tabanidae, Tabanus s...

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On this incredibly stinkin’ hot day in the rural Midwest, I thought we could all use a good dose of humor. I will allow you to laugh at my expense. Dawn vs. Nature. It is not a pretty sight.

I thought that we had moved to a picturesque setting in the rural farmland of Ohio. Actually, this turned out to be true, although I had no idea the other critters that had also chose to live alongside us on our little slice of land. In the Spring we had a raccoon under the deck. This visitor caused our dogs to nearly go berserk. At 3 am in the morning. The dogs couldn’t get to the “scared out of his wits” raccoon, and the raccoon was NOT coming out with two “Cujo‘s” on the loose. There was not much sleeping going on that night for anyone in a five mile radius of our house.

We have a ground hog that has a vacation home down where our property meets the road. He is quiet and keeps to himself. Every time I see him, The Wind and The Willows comes to mind.

We have Bambi and family that trek across our side yard on a fairly regular basis. Fun to watch, unless one decides to jump out directly in front of the the family van….then it is a little scary. The other night my husband laid some rubber on the road when he braked hard not to hit a deer that literally came out of nowhere, directly in front of us. My heart was hammering in my chest during that little moment, as I was nearly decapitated by the stupid shoulder strap safety belt. Are there any statistics on death by shoulder strap?

In August and September we have the gnat plague. Where in the world do gnats come from? Honestly, there is no food sitting out, nothing like that….they just appear like clockwork. In August. They stay for two months and the family chases them around with the bug zapper before they disappear, or are inadvertently eaten, as they are always in my way while fixing dinner. Um…they look like pepper. Sorry. I looked gnats up on the internet. They are a nuisance, but harmless and will not kill anyone if eaten. I don’t know why they come here. It’s one of life’s mysteries.

In late Fall and early winter the field mice decide that it is time for them to head toward their winter retreat. The retreat happens to be our garage, and if they are slick enough….the main living quarters. This does not set well with me. At all. I hate mice with a white hot passion. They mock me, as they scratch around in the walls. I find myself yelling at them ….and I know I am not imagining that I hear the faint sound of laughter. Go ahead and laugh! It’s all fun and games until I start laying out glue traps. Stinkin’ little fur balls. Then who will be laughing? I digress…….mice put me in a precarious mental state.

We are currently battling a horse fly population that has reached biblical proportions. Now, before I moved to Ohio I thought I had seen horse flies. I was wrong….at least not like these. These flies are the huge. Their heads are the size of my thumb nail. I am not kidding. One has to make a run for it when leaving or entering the house. If one should linger too long on the deck, there is a great possibility that said person could possibly be carried off by the mutant horse fly gang. They dive bomb anyone on the deck, like miniature Kamikaze pilots.

I better go. I’m heading out to the deck.

I think I’ll take the electric bug zapper with me. It reminds me of a lightsaber.

Just call me Luke Skywalker.

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4 Responses to “They’re Coming To Take Me Away…”

  1. Kim Pugliano July 22, 2011 at 9:43 am #

    We were struggling with mice in our garage and there were traps all over the place. Joe fixed the problem by covering a hole but before he did I would hesitantly sneak up on each trap every time I went in there, terrified I would find one.

    I did. He was the cutest tiniest little guy with his the trap pinning him down by his neck and his eyes were wide open, staring deadly right at me. I don’t know how I managed to shoot a picture and send it to Joe, “Got one!” but I did. Cute as he was he was a menace.

    May the force be with you my friend.

  2. Steven Sawyer June 28, 2013 at 9:24 am #

    Sorry, Dawn, you can’t dissuade me from loving your Ohio Oasis in the country. Still love it. Still love to hear about it, even with your accounts of all your furry enemies. Having said that, the bug zapper is a good idea. And I’d seriously consider a shotgun for those horse flies. :>) There’s still peace and serenity there. We have our fleas and our mice and our rabbits and our snakes and Bambies that come right up to the flowers and shrubs next to the house to dine. PLUS 90 percent humidity and temps approaching 100. In the end your country digs will always be paradise to me.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. It’s Still Summer…And It’s Still Hot « It Just Dawned On Me - July 24, 2012

    [...] They’re Coming To Take Me Away… [...]

  2. The Flies Are Driving Me Nuts | It Just Dawned On Me - June 27, 2013

    […] They’re Coming To Take Me Away… […]

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